How long do certain products that take a while to go through last in your household? Or how long do you take to go through them if you lived on your own and guests didn’t use much of them, like toothpaste or perfume/cologne? I’m not talking about weekly renewables here, like cartons of milk, I’m talking about things like shampoo bottles, soaps, spices, etc. If you didn’t know answers to these questions, let me tell you about my really easy way to find out!

First, get yourself a Sharpie, or some other pretty good permanent marker. For things with paper or plasticky labels, a good pen you can dig well into the labels with your writing will also do. Then, any time you start using a product, put that date on the labels or sides of the product When you are done, calculate how many days there were between the date finished and the date started. You can do that in your head, on paper, or calculator, or just type the question in plain language in your Google search bar, like “days between feb 8 2021 and jul 28 2021” (170 days is answer). Make sure you add the years because sometimes it will give you dates the other way, like Jul 28 to Feb 8 in my example.

Speaking of examples, I’ve done this for a few years now, and it’s quite fun. Aside from knowing, you can see how consistent you are, which has a new meaning when it comes to toilet paper usage! Below are some examples from my finsta with no followers (please help to keep it that way).

Dishwashing detergent

296 days was short, to be honest. I swear I usually get at least a year out of one of these bottles. However, this type neither lathered well (the trick to extending dishwashing detergent usefulness) nor fought grease well, unlike a past Palmolive bottle I had. This felt diluted by comparison, which was probably why it was a dollar cheaper than other Palmolive bottles on the shelf ($2 instead of $3). However, I must also remember that I started this only a few days before COVID lockdown began where I live, so for over 3 months, I made and washed every meal I ate, which was a lot of meals more than the same period at any other time. That’s not because I eat out a lot, but I washed my work lunch at work, and eat out meals will add up over 9 months or more!

500 Sheets of Two-ply Toilet paper

This one was an anomaly, taking 92 days, compared to the 82-84 days the previous three rolls average. I mean, that was regular! But at least I didn’t become more full of shit lately, ya dig? Now, do I need to go into my ass wiping routine and system rules to tell you how I take this long to go a roll of 500 two-ply sheets of toilet paper? Let’s not, though it’s a beautiful thing. Let’s just say I have a small asshole with not very pulpy shit often that three sheets folded on first light wipe to minimize risk of soaking through before doubling up folds usually does the trick for one number two. Also, knowing shit like how long I take to get through toilet paper, when the pandemic started and people were stocking this shit or shitting in their pants trying to find it, I looked at my 11 rolls left and said, eh, I got my ass covered till COVID-21!

300 mL of Shampoo

This lasted almost as long as the dishwashing detergent at 282 days, actually finishing on December 1st. I got a few more finger swipes out of it within the crevices of the interior of the cap after the date posted, but it was all I needed. Now, I’m a guy with short hair, but enough of it to cover most of my head, so it’s not like I’m half bald or less. I just don’t use much of it, with lathering being the secret to getting more use out of soaps. The lathering is also a nice massage whereas otherwise, I’d probably just slap on the soap and rinse and go. I think I can get more out of the next bottle, though, as there were days when I wasn’t conscious about how much shampoo to use and squirted out a palmful, almost. But that’s the other fun thing you can do when you get data like this, play games to try and beat yourself… except try not to do it with the toilet paper cause at some point, that’s less about you being less full of shit and more about you being constipated!

I have lots more examples, but since I got my 500+ words of warm-up writing done today, I will save them for another post soon. I need to get to the more serious writing now.

Yesterday was the first day in 2021 that I hadn’t posted some writing, which is fine because my goal with this writing regularity is average 6 days a week. I’ve got one to spare to this point. I missed it because a writing competition I was trying to get an entry done for was supposed to have closed at midnight tonight. However, this morning, I found out the deadline was extended until next Thursday at midnight, January 21. I’m not sure that was good for me because now, I’ll just toil more on the fiction entry that was such a struggle for me, and maybe even try to put in one for nonfiction and poetry. That’ll not only cost me more money, but double the money since I committed to spend the same amount of money on lottery tickets as for writing entry fees. Well, at least I’m taking risks and giving myself chances at things to change my life. The first is living, as Esther Perel defines it, which I love and with which I whole-heartedly agree. The second is my main life mantra that the best thing you can give anyone, including yourself, is a chance.

OK. Stop it! That wasn’t the serious writing I was needing to get to!

1020 words.. I’m warmed up all right!