Sex with Neanderthals?

I was going to write about something else today. Honestly. Yet, after I read this BBC “Future” article on sex with Neanderthals, I couldn’t resist just writing some reaction commentary and saving my idea for today for another day. Naturally, this article contains some potentially NSFW (not safe for work) content. There’s also some mature subject matter. However, it’s not like prehistoric erotica, though the thought of it as a genre is amusing, to be sure. Nor does this post contain anything like sexual techniques, ancient or modern. And there is definitely no intercourse descriptions, but readers may be helpless to engage in such imaginings based on what they read. Rather, it’s more about weird animal sex facts that were in the article, along with other eye opening items not in the form of eye candy, but maybe i-candy, where “i” is for imagination. So that’s my warning for anyone regarding this article’s content. If you choose to read more, then that’s your fault if you hit something you don’t like. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Papilloma viruses ubiquity

Let’s begin with something tame, that papilloma viruses is found in near all animals! Now that’s adaptation for survival, if I’ve ever heard of it! The type humans is just one of about 100 or so, which we have appropriately labeled “human” papilloma virus or HPV. One of the human strains, though, HPV-16, is also among the deadliest of the papilloma virus, causing 99.7% of cervical cancers. Now that’s potent! Adaptable and deadly! That is some creature!

 

Triple vaginas

That’d be vaginas, not vulvas or such openings, for those of you not familiar with medical terms for reproductive organs. Marsupials would be the creatures with these things. However, that does not mean they are better set up for bigger gangbangs than humans, and definitely less so given marsupial males tend to have multiple-pronged penises to hog more holes each. What would you call that, multi-pronged penetration by one male, gangmemberbangs? Sex aside and sexual inside, what having triple vaginas mean is that a marsupial can be pregnant most of the time, constantly cycling an offspring through a different phase of birth. Quite amazing for reproduction in a species that’s not of the kind that lays hundreds or many more eggs to reproduce, because these more complex creatures need more help to reach maturity each, unlike bugs or many small creatures on land, sea, or air.

 

Detachable penises

The argonaut octopus is a beautiful creature which’s females have a few tentacles that can turn into sail like shells to protect her young. As for the males, they seem to have little purpose aside from being able to produce sperm to procreate. They can’t even get up close enough to mate, apparently, being about ten times smaller than the female. Possibly for their safety, their penises are more like sperms in our human visions, than penises. That’s because those penises can detach and swim towards the females to fertilize them. Kinds of takes the fun out of sex, doesn’t it, if you have to rip off your penis and put it autopilot to swim and fertilize the female? I’m sure somebody has a fetish for that, but I doubt most people do. OUCH!

 

Penile spines

Speaking of OUCH! How about the idea of penile “spines”? That wouldn’t be spine like some long bone, though. That’d be spine like vertebrae sticking out everywhere, in the form of barbs made from the same substance as skin and hair (keratin), that our closest living genetic relatives, common and bonobo chimpanzees, all have. It really roughs up the vagina to deter the female from having sex again for a while, allowing the male sperm the time it needs to fertilize an egg if timing were right, and even removing potential sperm still there in the pulling out motion. Those animals might not have realized that during mating, but can you imagine having those thoughts about sex while having it? Now, it wouldn’t be hard to create such sex toys, like rough condoms or dildos, but I’m not aware there are many or that they are popular. Given the way humans are with our diversity when it comes to sexuality, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if I just hadn’t been looking in the right places. But given how the thought of penile spines rub me the wrong way, I wouldn’t want to be looking for anything in those places.

 

Donald Trump is a dick

Oh, as if you didn’t know? Impeach the bastard out of there! Don’t let up! You let up, he goes on the offensive again, making remarks like being careful what you wish for to impeach him, and going to visit his wall at the Mexican border before he leaves office. You put the heat back on, he makes a vaguely conciliatory video. He’s worst than a brat for doing this kind of thing, thinking people have a short memory to forget everything he’s done when he moves to the next brouhaha. Impeach the Neanderthal brain already and let’s move on! How ironic would it be to make America great again without Trump?

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