This post contains explicit language and wicked humour, but justified, so if you are allergic to either, please read something else. 😉
Go the Fuck to Sleep is a new potty-mouthed children’s book written by Adam Mansbach full of truth at one of parenting’s great frustrations, trying to get your children to fall asleep. The sense of humour is as wicked as the language and immediately became my favourite children’s book! To help give you an idea of the book, here is Samuel L. Jackson reading it from an Audible audiobook recording, with text below it for you to follow along or to print and read to your own kids.
GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP
written by Adam Mansbach, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed my dear.
Please, go the fuck to sleep!
The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I’ll read you one last book if you swear,
You’ll go the fuck to sleep!
The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest,
And the creatures who crawl, run and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty.
That’s bullshit!
Stop lying!
Lie the fuck down, my darling…
And sleep.
The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It’s been 38 minutes already!
Jesus Christ!! What the fuck???
Go! To!! SLEEP!!!
All the kids in daycare are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell, no! You can’t go to the bathroom!
You know where you can go?
The fuck to sleep!
The owls flies forth from the tree tops.
Through the air they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the fuck up!
And sleep!
The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How come you can do all this other great shit,
But you can’t lie the fuck down and sleep???
The seeds slumber beneath the Earth now,
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions!
This interview’s over!
I’ve got two words for you kid!!
Fucking sleep!!!
The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle,
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fuck your stuffed bear!
I’m not getting you shit!!
Close your eyes!
Cut the crap!!
SLEEP!!!
The flowers doze low in the meadows,
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure!
I’m a shitty ass Parent!
Stop fucking with me, please!!
And sleep!!!
The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing,
As I lie here and openly weep!
Sure! Fine!! Whatever!!!
I’ll bring you some milk!
Who the fuck cares???
You’re not gonna sleep!
This room is all I can remember,
The furniture, crappy and cheap.
You win!
You escape!
You run down the hall!
As I nod the fouck off…
And sleep.
Bleary and dazed, I awaken,
To find your eyes shut so I keep
My fingers crossed tight…
As I tip toe away…
And pray…
That you’re fucking asleep.
We’re finally watching our movie.
Popcorn’s in the microwave…
BEEEEEP!
Oh shit!
Goddamn it!!
You’ve got to be kidding!!!
Come on!
Go the FUCK back to sleep!!!
This recording and such isn’t that new at this point, but seriously, can you see a YouTube video contest of people recording their own versions of this to try to outdo one another on reading style? I’d love to see a whole bunch of reading styles of this, accents and all! That’d be hilarious!
And who wants to put this to lyrics now???
By the way, it’s a good thing they got someone “credible” like Samuel L. Jackson to read this book. A lot of other “nobodies” doing this and half the planet would probably trash it as ghetto humour. But that’s how life works, kids!
Digital Citizen 
The plural of “popcorn” is “popcorns”, and not “Popcorn’s”… are you fuckin’ asleep?
….Um. No. In this case, it’d be “Popcorn’s” as it says “Popcorn’s in the microwave”. It is not saying there is multiple. It is saying “Popcorn is,” as when you combine the two words you get “Popcorn’s”.
Also, no, the plural of Popcorn is NOT “popcorns,” as Popcorn is a mass noun, not a count noun. It’s like rain or snow, or straw or hay, or barley or wheat. If some strange reason you were talking not about corn but kernels, then you would have a count noun, so you could say that kernels were ready in the plural.
As we’re talking about grammar here, let’s fix some of yours, shall we?
“fuckin'” is not a word.
You used a comma, so “and” would not be there.
Popcorns isn’t even a word.
You would capitalize the A in “Are.”
That Ellipsis shouldn’t be there. It could be there, but it doesn’t fit. Grammatically incorrect.
Yes DC, I take your comments in good jest as I hope you do mine. I see also, looking back that you did indeed state what you said you stated about the contraction thing and so ….. HEY! Wait a minute! … I see what’s going on here! After you read each of my new comments, you’ve been going back and changing your old preceding ones to make it look like I haven’t been paying attention! Verrry good Digital Citizen! … But sneaky.
And besides, I don’t need any help from you to show that I’m not paying attention!
Of course you’re going to deny doing it anyways.
Now, now, Grumpy Grampy. That’s not true I edited my comments!
There are ways to look back to site the way they were. I’ve seen links that have done so though I don’t know how to do it. However, if you know, try it and you will see I did not change my comments. Besides, those 10 “Thumbs up” to my reply containing said reference about the contraction, they wouldn’t be there if the comment didn’t make sense to point out the initial error accusation by whoever that guy was. 🙂
And I can’t “fake” those “thumbs up” as it’s limited by cookie so one per computer and I can’t rate my own stuff. 🙂
Good debating technique to claim I’d deny it anyways. Tech and other evidence are on my side, though. 🙂
shut the fu*k up you lot; popcorn or no popcorn, the message is clear…you are all boring so sut the fu*k up and go to sleep now!!!!!!!
Nice try. But I rest my case. C’mon Pedro, let’s get out of here.
Whoa! The jury has to render a verdict before anybody can leave! 😉
quite entertaining – but i’m wasting my vacation day reading this crap!!!
Um, thanks? 🙂
Hope your having a great vacation otherwise! 🙂
WOW your both STUPID…. now go the fuck to sleep
Hey, we can at least spell “you’re” correctly! 😉
Since everybody so obsessed with getting the final word I’m gonna steal it away from you just for fun. Funny book btw.
Lol! Fucking hilarious!! My husband and I can completely relate to this book as I am sure every other parent can as well
I’m apparently the only 18 year old I know who is aware of this poem’s existence. When I read it to my friends they always find it hilarious, especially because I don’t curse. It’s a truly amazing poem and I wanna thank you for sharing it!
LOL. You’re welcome. I enjoy reciting it from time to time as well, to get myself out of my shell in also not being the cursing type. 🙂