A Pub ic Practical Joke

https://digitalcitizen.ca/category/writing/Back on April Fool’s Day, I shared some really good and practical advice on removing “pubic” from spellcheck to avoid some potentially very embarrassing misspellings that wouldn’t be caught! Today, I’m going the other way with the same mishap, except now, I’m creating it instead of trying to prevent it.

Continue reading

A Long Form Census Restoration Joke Meme?

Can someone create a meme about the restoration of the long form Census in Canada?

FYEAH!

The new Liberals government under Justin Trudeau just announced they will restore the mandatory long form Census as promised in their campaign, via Minister of Innovation, Science and Economic Development Navdeep Bains.

As an analyst, I know the value of this form and what Stephen Harper was trying to do in abolishing it, making sure nobody has any evidence to point to the impact of anything he did while Prime Minister. So today, in celebration of the restoration of the long form Census, I offer up this joke to make sure to send Stephen Harper one of these mandatory forms once I saw the fabulous photo on the CBC.  😉

restore long form census stephen harper justin trudeau

(not sure who to credit the photo as it was only an icon to the story I saw on Facebook)

Dear God, please take lots of people on May 21st so I can have more space on Earth

Dear God,

This Judgment Day on May 21st 2011, please take as many people as You can. I know You have standards where, supposedly, only 3% of the people will make it to Heaven. However, if you wouldn’t mind lowering those standards a bit and take another 10 or 20 percent, that’d be great. The animals and people remaining, along with myself, would love to have a little more space on Earth.

Continue reading

Jingle Bells for Tiger Woods (parody lyrics for Jingle Bells)

These are parody or spoof lyrics for the well-known carol, Jingle Bells, like in the video below. I think I have an extra couple of verses, but I needed them to make the story complete.

I was going to write something with the chorus starting as Jingle bells, Santa smells, but the ongoing stories about Tiger Woods somehow influenced me to turn this into a Tiger Woods parody so I have now officially joined the Tiger bashing phenomenon. This was not something intentional from the start, but my disappointment in the development of Tiger’s life didn’t stop me, either. Tiger’s been a big source of inspiration over the years for his on course performance and how well his image was managed, and I knew it was managed. I know nobody is perfect, but this whole scandal was really over the top, which would be Tiger-esque for how he does everything in life. I wish his family the best in resolving this as best as possible, cause it ain’t gonna be pretty one way or another.

I still have Peyton Manning as an active role model figure, of sorts, aside from the real ones in my life like my Parents. I also have Wayne Gretzky and Michael Jordan from the past, with Taylor Swift becoming one for a class act that she is.

Enjoy!

My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:

Peeing in the snow

From a one horse open sleigh

Over the fields we go

Laughing all the way (ha ha ha ha)

Telling stories of

Tiger’s cheating ways

And how he got careless and caught

With sex text sent astray

YES!

.

Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

.

A day or two ago

Santa got this message twice

Meet me in the snow

And be naughty not nice (ha ha ha ha)

Tiger sent it to

Some women that he knew

But instead Tiger sent it to

Santa’s hot line, too!

OOOPS!

.

Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

.

With Tiger’s stray sex text

Santa went to TMZ

Asked with confidence

Ten bill-ee-on bucks, puh-lease! (ho ho ho ho)

I need bling you know

Recession’s hit me bad

So if I do not get some dough

All kids will be sad!

BOOO!

.

Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

.

TMZ complied

Gave Santa what he asked

So kids now have toys

And they all are glad! (ha ha ha ha)

As for old Tiger

He asked for privacy

But if that is not possible

Unlimited text for free!

BEEP!

.

Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

.

(bedroom) key change

Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex –

from –

Ti-

grrrr’s –

phone!

(in full diva vibrato, please!)