Dear Mr Dylan,
You are the greatest songwriter in the world. I love your songs like I love nobody else’s song… even when I can’t make out what you’re saying in them. That’s because I know when I Google them, I will be profounded by what you were trying to sing. However, while learning to play your songs, I discovered didn’t feel quite right, so I made a few changes and I’d like to share them with you.
For example, while Blowin’ in the Wind was so magnificently symbolic and reflective, it was just a little too passive for my liking. I like a little power child within my flower child, so I added a key change at the end of each verse to make the next a little higher. Adds a little urgency with the higher keys on each verse as the subject matter got a little more urgent. The louder singing one usually ends up doing to sing higher also adds urgency to the cry for help.
And then there’s It Ain’t Me Babe. What’s with the hurry to sing it so quickly? It’s such a sad lamenting song to admit to yourself and tell someone you aren’t the one for them. And what’s with the high steppin’ fast falutin’ energy with which you and Johnny Cash like to perform this song? The Turtles doesn’t live up to their namesake in performing this song, either. I mean, does it feel like a square dancing song to you? If there’s any energy to it, it should be a firm affirmation that the singer isn’t the one the subject is looking for in a lover. To all those ends, I’ve taken liberty to fix it up a bit for you.
Finally, there’s Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door. The best incomplete song out there, bar none! But that was the problem I found with it. It was incomplete! Almost 40 years after the fact, nothing has changed in the world. If anything, things have gotten worse. What has all that knockin’ on Heaven’s door done? Nothing! If anything, there are more people knockin’ now than ever before, and they’re wondering if the Lord would ever answer. That’s exactly how I finished it off, by adding a couple of verses and adding some real knockin’ to liven it up a little. I also added your unofficial verse you performed on MTV live, which I thought was quite cool, to make 5 total verses… and 5 chances to sing that awesome chorus, Axel Rose “aye aye” or not. I actually bled my knuckles knocking on the mesh covered microphone to create the pounding on Heaven’s door that must be happening today cause the Lord’s been deaf to all the knockin’ that’s been done before.
I mean no offense in rearranging, reworking and completing your songs, Mr Dylan. I just thought I’d share them with you in case you like them.
This has been a satire built on my boss’ chiding of me regarding my audacity to do anything at all to sacred Bob Dylan’s songs when I told him of how I performed the various Dylan songs. Somehow, I don’t think he’ll ever have to hear them as I hold my life in high regard. 🙂