Eight Inappropriate Christmas Carols Parodies

It’s December again, and for those who want to liven up the holidays with some inappropriate Christmas carols, I have eight I have written starting from back in 2009.

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69 Printable Alice in Wonderland Cards and Posters

The movie Alice in Wonderland has a lot of great images, and many of them are available online at fairly large sizes. However, they are often a bit grainy, or not of a convenient size to take and print, and lacking a little punch in colour intensity. Well, I’ve remedied that with this collection of high resolution printable cards and posters of images from Alice in Wonderland.

These are high resolution (300 dpi) files you can use to print at your local photo machine or store. Chain stores processing photos like Walmart and Staples are more than good enough to print these nicely. You can also use these images for all the photo gifts you can get these days, whether on cups, T-shirts, blankets or just good old fashioned posters.

The files come in several sizes:

  • 6 x 4 inches
  • 8 x 12 inches
  • 12 x 18 inches
  • 16 x 24 inches

All of these can be scaled to 6×4 inch photos without cutting off anything so you can print any file here as a 6×4 photo. I didn’t want to have smaller versions of larger poster files for the sake of smaller sizes.

Please be patient for downloads because the bigger files are several MB in size.

You can print these files at larger sizes, up to 50% larger for the 8×12 sizes and larger. Some sharpness would be lost, obviously, but I think they should still be OK instead of high quality, as they are at the recommended sizes listed with each picture. A lot also depends on the printer you use. Since I can’t afford to test print all these images at larger sizes, on all printers, to see how they turn out, if you print at larger than listed sizes, you would be doing so at your own risk.

I have also created wallpapers and backgrounds for iPhones and Blackberries from these files.

Please do not print these files for commercial use because it’s one thing to create fan art to share for people’s use, it’s another to be profiting off of them. Thank you.

Please click here for the official Alice in Wonderland Press Kit PDF
(61 pages of Alice in Wonderland history, characters, cast, production notes, etc.)

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Some Lyrics for Singing Voice Mail Messages

I had written these “voice mail songs” many years ago, when I used to live in Vancouver and we only had answering machines. It was also when I didn’t have to worry about getting “professionals” calling me. If you might have to worry about that, I highly recommend you don’t use these and just enjoy them. The singing messages are about 30 seconds long to sing, which is long for a voice mail, but that’s these lyrics’ “price” of fun. That’s why I recommend no intros, despite some being written as first verses of the songs where you could have the intros.

I sang these lyrics into my answering machines with the real music playing in the background, loud enough so you had the tune, but not nearly loud enough to overpower my voice. Given the recording quality of answering machines then, it was as good as poorly recorded karaoke. That technique can still work today, but given all the tech out there for karoake YouTube videos and recording features right on the cell phones and computers, try recording using the karoake links below with your cell phone or computer recording feature.

Or just record singing solo, unaccompanied.

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Mr Grinch, from the original Dr Seuss Christmas special

This is most appropriate for December, or whenever you feel is appropriate to start having the Christmas theme in your life. However, I don’t think it has to be for December or Christmas. For singing purposes, it is the part from 1:25 in the video below. In the lyrics of the real song in the video link below the lyrics to the karaoke version, it’s the verse that starts with You’re a foul one, Mr Grinch.

Don’t hang up please, like the Grinch,
Leave a message, it’s a cinch!
Leave your number and your name,
And a message if you’re game,
It’s a cin-inch!
The three words that best describe when
Are as follows, and I quote:
“At! The! Beep!”

Mr Grinch Karoake Link to YouTube

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Somethin’ Stupid, by Frank and Nancy Sinatra

This is meant to be recorded straight up from the beginning. To keep your message as short as possible, though, I would recommend skipping the intro and starting at 0:11 of the video below (or the equivalent in the karoaoke video link below the lyrics).

Hello, my friend, you’ve reached (two-syllable name)
But I’m not home to get the phone
And chit-chat with you.
But if you leave a message then, I’m sure that when
I’m home I’ll get in touch with you.
So at the beep please leave your name and number
And why you called me so I won’t be blue.
And then hang up so when I’m home
I’ll know you called and I’ll make sure
I call you…
(I’ll call you –
like at the end of the song)

Somethin’ Stupid Karaoke Link to YouTube

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Rainy Day Women #12 & 35, by Bob Dylan

This one I would absolutely recommend skippping the intro cause it’s 35 seconds long and people will hang up before then, wondering what the heck that music is all about, including if they’ve dialed the correct number. I don’t care if there’s auto-dial these days. They’ll recheck, or think they hit the wrong auto-dial. You’ll have wasted their time, and if it’s long distance, their money. So start at 0:31 or so of the video for a brief lead-in, or the equivalent spot on the karoake video link.

They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to have some fun,
They’ll phone ya when your mind is out to lunch,
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck,
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to get a (beep!),
But never will they phone when you’re at home!
(That’s when) Everybody should get phoned!

Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 Karaoke Link to YouTube

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Games that Lovers Play, by Connie Francis

I think Wayne Newton has the more famous version of this song, but I was not able to find it on YouTube. However, composer James Last wrote it for Connie Francis, specifically, so this is the original version. The intro is pretty short, but I would still skip it and start at 0:09 of the video below. Unfortunately, I was not able to find a karoake link. If you can find either the Wayne Newton version or karoake link, please do share. Thanks!

There are games that many foolish callers play,
Like how some don’t leave a message come what may,
Never caring who gets hurt along the way,
Let’s not play those games that callers play.

No karoake link was found for Games that Lovers Play

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12 Days of Vietnamese Christmas (a parody Christmas carol)

This is a polite parody of the 12 Days of Christmas carol. The song is in the video below, if you need a reminder. I have chosen the version with John Denver and the Muppets because I am quite fond of it.

The small difference is to that version and my lyrics that you sing my version with the 5th and 10th days being diva moments, not just the fifth (Miss Piggy in the video about the “golden rings”). You’re supposed to sing it with two diva moments so I’m not sure why Porky Diva herself didn’t take advantage of that.

Also, in being a little more creative than the original with the lyrics for the 6th to 12th days, make sure you don’t sing them too fast cause you’d probably find it a might tough tongue twister!

My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:

On the (x) day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me…

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Twelve Viet Cong Commies

Eleven Buddha statues

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Ten – ao, dai, xanh!!! *

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Nine knock off Polos

Eight egg rolls rolling

Seven cups of fish sauce

Six pairs of chopsticks

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Five – bowls, of, rice!!!! (ba dum yum yum)

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Four incense sticks

Three moon cakes

Two growing pills

And a free trip home to Viet Nam!

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* Read ow, yai, sanh (nasal sound). Ao dai xanh means green long dress, which is a Vietnamese traditional outfit mostly worn by girls and women.

Over 120 Twilight New Moon Printable Posters (8×12 to 20×24 inches)

Below are some large high resolution pictures from the hot New Moon movie, with a few from Twilight and the main stars outside of the movies. These images are at 300 dots per inch, with relatively little pixelation so they are sharp, especially upon printing. I made sure of that.

Most images are at

  • 8″ x 12″ (2400 x 3600 pixels)
  • 12″ x 18″ (3600 x 5400 pixels) or
  • 16″ x 24″ (4800 x 7200 pixels).

That’s good enough for most printing most people will want to do, large image photo transfers like those blankets at Wal-mart. These images are also printable as 6″ x 4″ typical photo size for 25 cents or less each, like my New Moon and Twilight 6″ x 4″ printable picture post (all different pictures than from here), if you want cheap and multiple prints for decorating. Just choose the file from here at the photo machine, and choose the 6×4 size and that’s it.

Images not fitting these proportions are noted below.

Please do NOT sell anything you make with these graphics. They are available so people like you and I can download them to do whatever we want with them for ourselves, so to speak, but not to make money from them.

Please also note the large size of these images means the files are from 1 to 8 MB so it might take a little while to load if you don’t have high speed Internet.

By the way, how was the New Moon movie?

Please click here for other Twilight and New Moon products, graphics and posts on this site, including:

  • Backgrounds for iPhones, Blackberries and other handhelds
  • Facebook tagging memes
  • Photo sized cards (print like regular 6″ x 4″ photo)
  • Polls (related to Twilight Saga or their actors and actresses)
  • Posters (8″ x 12″ up to 20″ x 24″, most also printable as 6″ x 4″ photos)
  • Wallpapers for monitors of many sizes

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