It’s December again, and for those who want to liven up the holidays with some inappropriate Christmas carols, I have eight I have written starting from back in 2009.
12
Some Lyrics for Singing Voice Mail Messages
I had written these “voice mail songs” many years ago, when I used to live in Vancouver and we only had answering machines. It was also when I didn’t have to worry about getting “professionals” calling me. If you might have to worry about that, I highly recommend you don’t use these and just enjoy them. The singing messages are about 30 seconds long to sing, which is long for a voice mail, but that’s these lyrics’ “price” of fun. That’s why I recommend no intros, despite some being written as first verses of the songs where you could have the intros.
I sang these lyrics into my answering machines with the real music playing in the background, loud enough so you had the tune, but not nearly loud enough to overpower my voice. Given the recording quality of answering machines then, it was as good as poorly recorded karaoke. That technique can still work today, but given all the tech out there for karoake YouTube videos and recording features right on the cell phones and computers, try recording using the karoake links below with your cell phone or computer recording feature.
Or just record singing solo, unaccompanied.
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Mr Grinch, from the original Dr Seuss Christmas special
This is most appropriate for December, or whenever you feel is appropriate to start having the Christmas theme in your life. However, I don’t think it has to be for December or Christmas. For singing purposes, it is the part from 1:25 in the video below. In the lyrics of the real song in the video link below the lyrics to the karaoke version, it’s the verse that starts with You’re a foul one, Mr Grinch.
Don’t hang up please, like the Grinch,
Leave a message, it’s a cinch!
Leave your number and your name,
And a message if you’re game,
It’s a cin-inch!
The three words that best describe when
Are as follows, and I quote:
“At! The! Beep!”
Mr Grinch Karoake Link to YouTube
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Somethin’ Stupid, by Frank and Nancy Sinatra
This is meant to be recorded straight up from the beginning. To keep your message as short as possible, though, I would recommend skipping the intro and starting at 0:11 of the video below (or the equivalent in the karoaoke video link below the lyrics).
Hello, my friend, you’ve reached (two-syllable name)
But I’m not home to get the phone
And chit-chat with you.
But if you leave a message then, I’m sure that when
I’m home I’ll get in touch with you.
So at the beep please leave your name and number
And why you called me so I won’t be blue.
And then hang up so when I’m home
I’ll know you called and I’ll make sure
I call you…
(I’ll call you – like at the end of the song)
Somethin’ Stupid Karaoke Link to YouTube
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Rainy Day Women #12 & 35, by Bob Dylan
This one I would absolutely recommend skippping the intro cause it’s 35 seconds long and people will hang up before then, wondering what the heck that music is all about, including if they’ve dialed the correct number. I don’t care if there’s auto-dial these days. They’ll recheck, or think they hit the wrong auto-dial. You’ll have wasted their time, and if it’s long distance, their money. So start at 0:31 or so of the video for a brief lead-in, or the equivalent spot on the karoake video link.
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to have some fun,
They’ll phone ya when your mind is out to lunch,
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck,
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to get a (beep!),
But never will they phone when you’re at home!
(That’s when) Everybody should get phoned!
Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 Karaoke Link to YouTube
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Games that Lovers Play, by Connie Francis
I think Wayne Newton has the more famous version of this song, but I was not able to find it on YouTube. However, composer James Last wrote it for Connie Francis, specifically, so this is the original version. The intro is pretty short, but I would still skip it and start at 0:09 of the video below. Unfortunately, I was not able to find a karoake link. If you can find either the Wayne Newton version or karoake link, please do share. Thanks!
There are games that many foolish callers play,
Like how some don’t leave a message come what may,
Never caring who gets hurt along the way,
Let’s not play those games that callers play.
No karoake link was found for Games that Lovers Play
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12 Days of Vietnamese Christmas (a parody Christmas carol)
This is a polite parody of the 12 Days of Christmas carol. The song is in the video below, if you need a reminder. I have chosen the version with John Denver and the Muppets because I am quite fond of it.
The small difference is to that version and my lyrics that you sing my version with the 5th and 10th days being diva moments, not just the fifth (Miss Piggy in the video about the “golden rings”). You’re supposed to sing it with two diva moments so I’m not sure why Porky Diva herself didn’t take advantage of that.
Also, in being a little more creative than the original with the lyrics for the 6th to 12th days, make sure you don’t sing them too fast cause you’d probably find it a might tough tongue twister!
My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:
- Jingle Bells for Tiger Woods
- Noisy Night
- Bad Christmas
- Have Yourself a Bummer Little Christmas
- I Want a Hypothalamus for Christmas
On the (x) day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me…
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Twelve Viet Cong Commies
Eleven Buddha statues
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Ten – ao, dai, xanh!!! *
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Nine knock off Polos
Eight egg rolls rolling
Seven cups of fish sauce
Six pairs of chopsticks
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Five – bowls, of, rice!!!! (ba dum yum yum)
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Four incense sticks
Three moon cakes
Two growing pills
And a free trip home to Viet Nam!
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* Read ow, yai, sanh (nasal sound). Ao dai xanh means green long dress, which is a Vietnamese traditional outfit mostly worn by girls and women.
Tagging 12 or 20 of your Friends as Most Annoying Facebookers
CNN had a great feature article back on August 25th called the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers.
I’ve listed all 12 of them in full description below the tagging picture, but I also had the thought of how great an idea that would be for a Facebook tagging meme! Furthermore, I could add a few other types – not the least being the Facebook Tagger who does way too many of these Facebook tagging memes!
The meme is 1440 x 960 pixels in size so those of you with that monitor can use it as your wallpaper, if you like and have the monitor of that size. CNN only had 6 graphics of their annoying Facebookers, which I screen captured from the video, so I had to come up with my own for the rest.
Warning: Make sure you know your true friends before tagging. Not everybody takes well to being called annoying, even if it were clear it were in jest! There may be real life consequences to this!
Here’s how to get this Facebook picture meme:
- Click on the picture to get it at full size.
- Right click on that picture and save to your computer.
- Upload it to your Facebook profile.
- Tag your friends!
- Click the Back button on your browser to return to this post.
Please click here for a complete list of over 100 Facebook picture tagging memes on this site with which you can use for fun with your friends.
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- Please click to enlarge before downloading for use
From left to right, top row down…
The Town Crier
“Michael Jackson is dead!!!” You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.
The Fonz (my creation)
These are the people who who click the “Like” button on a lot of things, including your status. Where they become annoying is where you get a notification only to find out they like it, time, after time, after time. Say something, for goodness’ sake! Even the Fonz said something when he gave the thumbs up, eeehhhhhh!!???
The Self-promoter
OK, so we’ve probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.
The Obscurist
“If not now then when?” “You’ll see…” “Grist for the mill.” “John is, small world.” “Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not.” [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious – just nonsensical.
The Friend Padder
The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies — you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway — might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 “friends?” Unless you’re George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That’s just showing off.
The cant Spelur (aka Bad Grammarian)
“So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe”. Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.
The Sympathy-Baiter
“Barbara is feeling sad today.” “Man, am I glad that’s over.” “Jim could really use some good news about now.” Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.
The Facebook Tagger (my creation)
These are the people who tag way more than it’s their business to be tagging. Never mind just the Facebook tagging memes that they tag people on, but also in Facebook notes, and especially people in pictures put up by others where some people aren’t looking their most flattering. Some even retag people after people untag less than glamorous pictures of themselves not to draw attention to the pictures! But the worst ones are the ones who tag themselves in the hundreds or literally thousands of pictures they have. This brings on another set of notifications o the newsfeed after a first notification would have gone out that they posted the untagged pictures, of course! They don’t realize Facebook is not a library or government ID system.
The Poker King (my creation)
These are the worst Facebook pokers out there. The picture shows a hand poking someone’s head off. They know where they can poke themselves!
The Monk (my creation)
Got nothing to say about yourself or your life? Then shut the hell up and don’t put a lame “is” for your status unless you’re a real monk. Otherwise, people just read it as the person is nothing… cause there ain’t nothing after the is!
The Pollster (my creation)
Should you go out dancing? What to eat for supper tonight? Wear red or black to the office party? Do these people think they’re going to get some great insight or statistically significant sampling or what? If you’re going to let a handful of people run your life like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, dice, Tarot cards and other means serve just as well to give you much faster solutions.
The Instigator (my creation)
There are debate clubs for the serious ones among this group who want a debate, but most of them are just Rush Limbaugh wannabes. Wow, that’s pretty low when you can’t even achieve Limbaugh. They just don’t dare to share their controversial opinion in some place where they need to have a spine to hold themselves up, rather than their own Facebook profile. They probably didn’t get enough attention as a child, either. As for my choice of Don Cherry to represent this annoying Facebooker type, I actually respect him cause often, he’s a classy instigator.
The Personalizer (my creation)
Jermaine, why didn’t you show up today? Sophia, how did your exam go? Dawn, you are wrong! (Reference “Don Cherry” and the remark to the left of this annoying Facebooker representation). Hey, dude. This is Facebook and notifications go to everybody. There’s email, the phone and the Facebook Wall if you want to just talk to one person, K?
The Chronic Inviter
“Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which ‘Star Trek’ character are you? Here are the ‘Top 5 cars I have personally owned.’ Here are ’25 Things About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re related! I took the ‘What President Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Millard Fillmore! What president are you?” You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don’t care what president I am – can’t we simply be friends?
The Crank
These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn’t complain about. “Carl isn’t really that impressed with idiots who don’t realize how idiotic they are.” [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.
The TMIer
“Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids.” Boundaries of privacy and decorum don’t seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their personal lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.
The Paparazzo
Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone’s posted a photo of you from last weekend’s party – a photo you didn’t authorize and haven’t even seen? You’d really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.
The Detailer (aka Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore)
“I’m waking up.” “I had Wheaties for breakfast.” “I’m bored at work.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” You’re kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn’t mean we all want to know when you’re waiting for the bus.
The Lovers (my creation)
MJ just sent Joanne a rose. Joanne replies with a “loves her sweetie, MJ” status. MJ tags Joanne as the Flirt in the Harry Potter Facebook tagging meme. All right! Enough already! Why don’t you try expressing that in real life? Go kiss in public if you have to show off! At least I won’t have to see it. Besides, do you really need to show people on Facebook how much in love you are like you need to prove something? Or are you trying to prove something?
The Lurker (my creation)
Shhh!
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 5.9
Digital Citizen 