Have you ever wondered how Santa knows you when you’re sleeping? How he knows when you’re awake? And how he knows when you’ve been good or bad?

Well, you might think you know! However, it’s not likely you really knew if what American traitor Edward Snowden says is true!

In an interview with the Digital Citizen, the too small minded to know what he doesn’t know American idealist revealed that Santa has been using American spying technology all these years to monitor everybody’s actions! Furthermore, not only has Santa been using it for idealistic purposes to reward those who have been good, Santa has also been using it for voyeuristic purposes!

Snowden claims he has seen emails and video streams by Santa of how “it gets lonely at the North Pole and that it’s harder to keep some body parts warm than others.” Snowden said he intended no pun in that statement, but Santa might have… and laughed awkwardly like only Snowden could.

Snowden further added that the Brazilians should shut up and not be outraged over his claims of how the US had spied on them. That’s because they’re small nuts compared to the world that Santa affects. To be fair, Snowden is right, though his bitterness might have arisen from feeling like he was used after he volunteered a lot of information in hopes of asylum there with Brazilian waxed women at his calling, but was slapped in the face by the Brazilians regarding asylum.

The Digital Citizen has been able to verify Snowden’s claims of Santa using PRISM, XKeyscore, Tempora or other spying programs to watch over the world population and judge them. Needless to say, though, Snowden won’t be getting anything from Santa this year, including asylum.

However, Snowden may just get an asylum. At the least, the Digital Citizen hopes he will stronger glasses to correct his short-sightedness cause he is not only short-sighted, but far more than ever before, and more than he ever knew!