Is It Time for Another Facebook or Social Media “Friends” List Update?

As part of setting or resetting things in my life for the new year, I updated my Facebook friends list. I mostly dropped some, using tips I wrote in 2010 on which Facebook friends should I remove. However, I also added a few who have recently come into my life and who I can say with some confidence I will see and interact with again numerous times in the near future.

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How to Cancel or Retract Friend Requests on Facebook… and Why?

UPDATE!

Now you can cancel your Friend Request simply by going to that person’s page, scrolling down to the very bottom left and clicking on the box that says “CANCEL FRIEND REQUEST”.

Thanks to an anonymous commenter below for the update and congrats to Facebook for finally getting smart on this feature. Now, if only if it could move on a whole bunch of other bad features it has!

Why would you care to cancel Facebook Friend Requests?

Because after you send a friend request, they can check out all your profile you would share with your friends. That’s to help verify who you are if they don’t know you, or let them decide if they want to associate with you based on what you’ve done on Facebook… or told of what you’ve done in life. It’s a bit of a spy privilege they have to be able to see your profile. Supposedly this only holds true for 30 days from when you send your friend request, but 30 days is plenty of time to browse through even the most active Facebook user to see enough of anybody and make some judgment calls on them.

If you’ve used Facebook enough, you have probably sent someone a friend request which they did not accept.

Or maybe you’ve sent it and then changed your mind.

But how do you “undo” it, if you will? How can you cancel that friend request? There is no “cancel”, “undo” or “retract” button.

No, there isn’t.

But what you can do is this.

Search the person in the Facebook search bar. As you’ve sent a friend request, Facebook should be smart enough to list that person high on your search list to make it easy to find. So even if it’s a John something or rather, Facebook should include the John you want amongst all the Johns you know.

Um, that didn’t sound very right, but you get the idea.

Select the person you want to view his/her profile.

Look down the left hand side of their profile that shows up and Click on Report/Block this Person.

From the pop-up menu, just Block them. You don’t need to report them. You might be tempted to if your ego is bruised by them not accepting your Friend Request, but play nice.

Now, you can leave them blocked. But you might also want to leave that window open in case they might like to maybe send a Friend Request to you… which you might want to accept? 🙂

However, I would recommend you Unblock them, by removing them off your Blocked List, to return things to the way they were before you sent that Friend Request you just retracted.

If you want to do this, then Click on Account in the upper right hand corner.

Choose Privacy Settings.

Click on Edit your lists under Block Lists (at middle bottom of your screen when this was written).

Click Unblock beside the name of the person you just blocked.

DONE!

And the world is beautiful once more. 🙂

If you want to ignore a Friend Request “nicely”…

What happens when someone sends you a Friend Request which you don’t want to accept but which it can be a bit awkward to ignore?

Well, there isn’t a completely effective way, but maybe try this “plea ignorance” or “blame technology” attempt before smacking reality into someone if they don’t get the hint.

Follow the same “call up their profile, then block and unblock routine” of the person whose friend request you want to ignore.

What that does is remove that Friend Request they put through. It’ll hint it to them a bit that the request disappeared, or it’ll make them try again, which will tell you they didn’t get the hint and that you need to either talk to them and smack a little reality into them, or Block them!

In the meanwhile, though, you can “play ignorant” if they ask you about it in person to say “what friend request”?

When they check your profile, they’ll see the “Add as a Friend” button present, suggesting maybe that request didn’t go through. Or whatever. One great thing about technology is that you can use it to blame all kinds of things

By the way, if someone ever asks you “did you accept my Facebook friend request?”, you might want to take that as a little sign of desperation for something or rather. Maybe they don’t want you, but just to up their Facebook friends tally. However, it seems a little desperate to me and I’d never ask anybody that.

Alas, now that I’ve shared this, I’ve lost a couple of more Facebook etiquette secrets… but it’s all good for humanity. 🙂

Other Facebook issue posts on my site:

The Prejudices and Privacy Perils of Facebook Quizzes

How to Get Rid of Your Facebook Past

25 Things For Facebook You Can’t Steal My ID With

25 Things You Gave on Facebook to Help Get Your ID Stolen

Una Guía de Netiqueta Práctica para Facebook

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Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 5.7
(which is below Facebook policy’s age for having a Facebook account at 13 years old)

Tagging 12 or 20 of your Friends as Most Annoying Facebookers

CNN had a great feature article back on August 25th called the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers.

I’ve listed all 12 of them in full description below the tagging picture, but I also had the thought of how great an idea that would be for a Facebook tagging meme! Furthermore, I could add a few other types – not the least being the Facebook Tagger who does way too many of these Facebook tagging memes!

The meme is 1440 x 960 pixels in size so those of you with that monitor can use it as your wallpaper, if you like and have the monitor of that size. CNN only had 6 graphics of their annoying Facebookers, which I screen captured from the video, so I had to come up with my own for the rest.

Warning: Make sure you know your true friends before tagging. Not everybody takes well to being called annoying, even if it were clear it were in jest! There may be real life consequences to this!

Here’s how to get this Facebook picture meme:

  • Click on the picture to get it at full size.
  • Right click on that picture and save to your computer.
  • Upload it to your Facebook profile.
  • Tag your friends!
  • Click the Back button on your browser to return to this post.

Please click here for a complete list of over 100 Facebook picture tagging memes on this site with which you can use for fun with your friends.

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From left to right, top row down…

The Town Crier
“Michael Jackson is dead!!!” You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The Fonz (my creation)
These are the people who who click the “Like” button on a lot of things, including your status. Where they become annoying is where you get a notification only to find out they like it, time, after time, after time. Say something, for goodness’ sake! Even the Fonz said something when he gave the thumbs up, eeehhhhhh!!???

The Self-promoter
OK, so we’ve probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Obscurist
“If not now then when?” “You’ll see…” “Grist for the mill.” “John is, small world.” “Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not.” [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious – just nonsensical.

The Friend Padder
The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies — you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway — might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 “friends?” Unless you’re George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That’s just showing off.

The cant Spelur (aka Bad Grammarian)
“So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe”. Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter
“Barbara is feeling sad today.” “Man, am I glad that’s over.” “Jim could really use some good news about now.” Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Facebook Tagger (my creation)
These are the people who tag way more than it’s their business to be tagging. Never mind just the Facebook tagging memes that they tag people on, but also in Facebook notes, and especially people in pictures put up by others where some people aren’t looking their most flattering. Some even retag people after people untag less than glamorous pictures of themselves not to draw attention to the pictures! But the worst ones are the ones who tag themselves in the hundreds or literally thousands of pictures they have. This brings on another set of notifications o the newsfeed after a first notification would have gone out that they posted the untagged pictures, of course! They don’t realize Facebook is not a library or government ID system.

The Poker King (my creation)
These are the worst Facebook pokers out there. The picture shows a hand poking someone’s head off. They know where they can poke themselves!

The Monk (my creation)
Got nothing to say about yourself or your life? Then shut the hell up and don’t put a lame “is” for your status unless you’re a real monk. Otherwise, people just read it as the person is nothing… cause there ain’t nothing after the is!

The Pollster (my creation)
Should you go out dancing? What to eat for supper tonight? Wear red or black to the office party? Do these people think they’re going to get some great insight or statistically significant sampling or what? If you’re going to let a handful of people run your life like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, dice, Tarot cards and other means serve just as well to give you much faster solutions.

The Instigator (my creation)
There are debate clubs for the serious ones among this group who want a debate, but most of them are just Rush Limbaugh wannabes. Wow, that’s pretty low when you can’t even achieve Limbaugh. They just don’t dare to share their controversial opinion in some place where they need to have a spine to hold themselves up, rather than their own Facebook profile. They probably didn’t get enough attention as a child, either. As for my choice of Don Cherry to represent this annoying Facebooker type, I actually respect him cause often, he’s a classy instigator.

The Personalizer (my creation)
Jermaine, why didn’t you show up today? Sophia, how did your exam go? Dawn, you are wrong! (Reference “Don Cherry” and the remark to the left of this annoying Facebooker representation). Hey, dude. This is Facebook and notifications go to everybody. There’s email, the phone and the Facebook Wall if you want to just talk to one person, K?

The Chronic Inviter
“Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which ‘Star Trek’ character are you? Here are the ‘Top 5 cars I have personally owned.’ Here are ’25 Things About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re related! I took the ‘What President Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Millard Fillmore! What president are you?” You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don’t care what president I am – can’t we simply be friends?

The Crank
These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn’t complain about. “Carl isn’t really that impressed with idiots who don’t realize how idiotic they are.” [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The TMIer
“Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids.” Boundaries of privacy and decorum don’t seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their personal lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Paparazzo
Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone’s posted a photo of you from last weekend’s party – a photo you didn’t authorize and haven’t even seen? You’d really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Detailer (aka Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore)
“I’m waking up.” “I had Wheaties for breakfast.” “I’m bored at work.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” You’re kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn’t mean we all want to know when you’re waiting for the bus.

The Lovers (my creation)
MJ just sent Joanne a rose. Joanne replies with a “loves her sweetie, MJ” status. MJ tags Joanne as the Flirt in the Harry Potter Facebook tagging meme. All right! Enough already! Why don’t you try expressing that in real life? Go kiss in public if you have to show off! At least I won’t have to see it. Besides, do you really need to show people on Facebook how much in love you are like you need to prove something? Or are you trying to prove something?

The Lurker (my creation)
Shhh!

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 5.9

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Sources of Inspiration Facebook Note

facebook notes for thinkersCopy the text between the dotted line as your note in Facebook, MySpace or other places. Put each of your answer on the line just below each prompt.

To make this an English as a Second / Foreign Language exercise, assign the note with some degree of explanation for each answer, whether a sentence, short paragraph or presentation.

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We are all inspired by others to some extent.

List a person or thing in the categories listed who inspires you, who lifts your spirits or who you admire. You may choose a few if it makes it easier for you since it isn’t always easy to choose one. You may also choose someone no longer living. However, challenge yourself to have an answer for each one because more sources of inspiration isn’t a bad thing in life, you know! If you absolutely don’t have an answer, though, you can write NONE. Your answers don’t have to be your best choice, just a choice that is true.

So put your CAPS LOCKS key ON to accentuate your answers and let’s get going!

 
1. Musician / band / singer

 
2. Natural object or event

 
3. Immediate family member

 
4. Animal

 
5. Athlete

 
6. Relative

 
7. Fictional character

 
8. Religious figure

 
9. Coworker / professional / entrepreneur

 
10. Actor / actress

 
11. Teacher of any sort at any level

 
12. Writer / poet

 
13. Someone who deserves more respect

 
14. Scientist / engineer / technology person

 
15. Politician / diplomat / ambassador

 
16. Book

 
17. Activist

 
18. Song

 
19. Someone you don’t like but respect

 
20. Friend

 
Say something on any or all of your choices, individually or as a group:

 

Please tag some friends to encourage them to try this note, along with anybody you mention who can be tagged. You may want to avoid using full names of people you know who are not famous because they may prefer it that way. Please include me in your tags because I want to know your sources of inspiration.

For more introspective Facebook notes like this, please see https://digitalcitizen.ca/facebook-notes/

 
——————————————————————————————–

 

 

1. Musician / band / singer
BOB DYLAN

2. Natural object or event
SUNRISE

3. Immediate family member
WHOLE FAMILY

4. Animal
KILLER WHALE

5. Athlete
MICHAEL JORDAN

6. Relative
ENTIRE MOM’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY

7. Fictional character
LT. COMMANDER DATA ON STAR TREK

8. Religious figure
THE DALAI LAMA

9. Coworker / professional / entrepreneur
MY DOCTOR

10. Actor / actress
HUGH JACKMAN

11. Teacher of any sort at any level
DRS. T.S. CAMERON AND M.A. WHITE

12. Writer / poet
EMILY DICKINSON

13. Someone who deserves more respect
DAVE S. IN VANCOUVER

14. Scientist / engineer / technology person
STEPHEN HAWKING

15. Politician / diplomat / ambassador
BARACK OBAMA

16. Book
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

17. Activist
DAVID SUZUKI

18. Song
BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND

19. Someone you don’t like but respect
TOM BRADY

20. Friend
DENISE R.

Say something on any or all of your choices, individually or as a group:
This wasn’t hard for me as I find inspiration easily in life, whether people or things. I could have done this note with 10 names apiece. I could have done this with people I know only rather than some famous people and some I know. I live by the philosophy I can learn something from everyone I meet, hear of, read about, etc. Most of it is positive and that usually equates to inspiration. It’s a wonderful mindset to constantly be in. It’s only too bad that with so many choices, in doing this note quickly, I didn’t come up with some more interesting answers since some sources of inspiration are much more prominent than others.

What’s Your Song of Friendship? (Part 1 of 7 on the World in Six Songs)

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Book and Theory Background

Daniel J. Levitin wrote an absolutely brilliant book called The World in Six Songs, supported by a great website with the many music samples referenced, among other great related material.

My basic paraphrasing of the concept is this. All the songs in the world could be fit into at least one of six categories providing an evolutionary benefit to humanity, often ultimately tied to our social nature.

The book and website offer far more detailed interpretations, of course, but I will expand on my paraphrasing with each post and the associated topic.

Daniel J. Levitin and The World in Six SongsIn a series of posts, I will describe each of the six categories in brief, one at a time:

  1. Friendship
  2. Joy
  3. Comfort
  4. Knowledge
  5. Religion
  6. Love

I will describe what the categories are about because they are not as limited in scope as the category names suggest. I will then supply one of my choices and ask all readers to do the same if they so wish. In the seventh post of the series, I will offer the chance to put the song choices all together so readers can read the entire set on one post. I do this because it would be a long post to describe all six categories at once, but to have all the answers in one place might be nice.

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This post focuses on Songs of Friendship

July 30th add-on in italics, from Dan Levitin in a summary article
Friendship songs centre around group cohesion, whether it be for war, or the bonding of different cliques in high school. For example, in prehistoric warfare, attackers would sometimes ambush another tribe using loud instruments (especially drums) to surprise the targets while they were still sleeping. Countertactics employing the use of singing may also have been used as a signal that the group was awake.  These songs serve to protect a tribe/group or succeed in the takeover of another. In the context of social groups, they provide a sense of community and belonging, bringing people together.

These songs serve the purpose of bringing people together to promote cooperation in one form or another in order to survive, or at least make life more tolerable. Applied to various situations, cooperation could promote any of these situations:

  • Working together
  • Attacking/defending together
  • Supporting each other
  • Friendship
  • Averting conflict
  • Forging group identity (maybe not formally but like a bonding anthem for a group of “outcasts”)
  • Others

The evolutionary value is that humans interact socially, whether in friendly or destructive ways. If we can avoid the latter, like in wars, we are more likely to survive and thrive as a species. Our social bonds are essential to our well-being, and we do survive and thrive better in groups, so anything that helps us in these causes are beneficial to our evolution as a species.

Audio sample of songs from the Friendship chapter in The World in Six Songs can be found on the website. No direct link was available, but click on the Songs menu option and appropriate page number range link carrying pages 41 to 82. Please note that not all songs are meant as samples of Friendship songs. Some are just referenced material in the book text.

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Author Daniel Levitin chose

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My choice for Song of Friendship is

You’ve Got a Friend by Carole King (lyrics).

It fits into the Friendship subcategory of various bonding purposes, but I do believe that true friends ultimately help each other. There isn’t any other song I know and feel tells someone they’ve got a true friend better than this Carole King song. Nobody sings it better, either!

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What is your choice for Song of Friendship?

Please leave your choice as a comment.

Lyrics and YouTube/audio link would greatly enhance your answer so readers can know more about your choice. They are not necessary, though, and not possible if no lyrics or version exist.

You can include songs you wrote as a choice, too!

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 10.5