Canadian Olympic Torch Needed Viagra

UPDATE:
At the Closing Ceremonies, an impromptu adjustment was made so that it started out with a mime fixing the fourth torch that did not come up in the Opening Ceremonies… and Catriona LeMay Doan got to light it!

You gotta love that about us Canadians. We can make fun of ourselves like nobody else. And we believe in second chances. That’s what makes us so lovable! 🙂

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At the end of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, four torches were supposed to have come up, but the hydraulics broke and only three did. That’s not a metaphor to set up the joke, my friends. The hydraulics really broke!

How embarrassing! The world was watching and we couldn’t get it up!

Where was the Viagra when you need it?

Let the jokes begin!

For the record, Rick Hansen, Catriona LeMay Doan, Steve Nash, Nancy Greene and Wayne Gretzky were the final carriers, in that order. All but Rick Hansen were supposed to have lit a torch. But because one torch did not rise to the occasion, Catriona LeMay Doan was left standing.

She sure looked pretty with the torch in hand, though. 😉

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Why Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Might Break Up

Just a little humour today, folks, at the expense of Twilight and New Moon co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Supposedly, the two are currently dating each other at the time of this post.

The photo below was from some photoshoot done by the two stars. I added the captions.

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Why Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Might Break Up

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Of course, Robert and Kristen are commenting on those new shoes Kristen just bought. 😉

For the love of God, people, do NOT take pictures like this!

Imagine showing your pictures to the kids and grandkids when they’re young, where you’re generally smiling and looking at the camera in the others. Then this comes up and they’ll be like “Mommy and Daddy, what are you looking at?”

There is a classic pose something like this, but the subjects are supposed to be looking down and off to the front, not at each other’s gender identifiers! And not with the critical looks on their faces like Robert Pattinson has. Kristen’s criticizing with more class, but I like the smirk on her face, too. 🙂

I couldn’t help it but add the captions.

But hey, don’t get the hate on me, K? Look at all the Twilight stuff I’ve created for the fans. There’s more coming, you can bet on that.

Before I leave the topic of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart dating, though, how’s about taking a few polls? Thanks!

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Jingle Bells for Tiger Woods (parody lyrics for Jingle Bells)

These are parody or spoof lyrics for the well-known carol, Jingle Bells, like in the video below. I think I have an extra couple of verses, but I needed them to make the story complete.

I was going to write something with the chorus starting as Jingle bells, Santa smells, but the ongoing stories about Tiger Woods somehow influenced me to turn this into a Tiger Woods parody so I have now officially joined the Tiger bashing phenomenon. This was not something intentional from the start, but my disappointment in the development of Tiger’s life didn’t stop me, either. Tiger’s been a big source of inspiration over the years for his on course performance and how well his image was managed, and I knew it was managed. I know nobody is perfect, but this whole scandal was really over the top, which would be Tiger-esque for how he does everything in life. I wish his family the best in resolving this as best as possible, cause it ain’t gonna be pretty one way or another.

I still have Peyton Manning as an active role model figure, of sorts, aside from the real ones in my life like my Parents. I also have Wayne Gretzky and Michael Jordan from the past, with Taylor Swift becoming one for a class act that she is.

Enjoy!

My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:

Peeing in the snow

From a one horse open sleigh

Over the fields we go

Laughing all the way (ha ha ha ha)

Telling stories of

Tiger’s cheating ways

And how he got careless and caught

With sex text sent astray

YES!

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Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

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A day or two ago

Santa got this message twice

Meet me in the snow

And be naughty not nice (ha ha ha ha)

Tiger sent it to

Some women that he knew

But instead Tiger sent it to

Santa’s hot line, too!

OOOPS!

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Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

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With Tiger’s stray sex text

Santa went to TMZ

Asked with confidence

Ten bill-ee-on bucks, puh-lease! (ho ho ho ho)

I need bling you know

Recession’s hit me bad

So if I do not get some dough

All kids will be sad!

BOOO!

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Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

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TMZ complied

Gave Santa what he asked

So kids now have toys

And they all are glad! (ha ha ha ha)

As for old Tiger

He asked for privacy

But if that is not possible

Unlimited text for free!

BEEP!

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Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!

YEAH!

(with fist pump)

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(bedroom) key change

Jingle bells, Santa smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

Even he, has messages

For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!

Jingle bells, your Mom smells

Like Tiger Woods’ cologne

If you check, I’d bet there’s text

For sex –

from –

Ti-

grrrr’s –

phone!

(in full diva vibrato, please!)