Thoughts about Shit… or Lack Thereof… Shit not Thoughts

https://digitalcitizen.ca/category/writing/Hmmm. I think that title could qualify as short modern poetry rather than a title or prose. But never mind that. I was thinking about shit today. Or rather lack of shit in my life. And especially compared to most other people’s lives. Which was where I got the idea for this post and its title. And just a warning, because shit is too much information (TMI) for some people, you might not want to read further unless you can tolerate shitty humour.

By shit, I mean shit in, both, the literal sense of feces, and the figurative sense of trouble, problems, annoyances, and such, all undesired. However, the latter is much harder to quantify so I’ll just stick with the former.

Given everybody shits and that’s hard to quantify, let’s start with other shit many of us have to deal with where I can analyze easily with an all versus none. I have never had any kids to have to deal with their shit, for starters. I’ve never also had any pets to deal with their shit. Generally less producing shit sources include family, spouses, roommates, even house guests, for what they might leave behind in toilets or other places, whether from accidents, illnesses, or otherwise. I come from a small family of just four, the second smallest you can get with kids and two Parents. I have never had a spouse or roommates. As for guests, my place is a sanctuary rarely visited by anyone, almost only when necessary like doing hobbies where what is involved is too cumbersome to carry around to other places to make it convenient for others involved!

Now, as for my personal shit, how can I quantify this in some convincing and not too crude manner? For starters, I’m only 108 lbs, ranging from 102-114 for most of the year, so you’d think I’d shit less but possibly not since I eat like a pig! Even with intermittent fasting that I’m doing where I go an average of 15 hours straight without food each day, I’m still eating a lot. An active lifestyle with lots of thinking and a high metabolism contribute to that relatively big diet. So many I don’t shit less than most people.

How’s about toilet paper use then? I date products I use for when I start and end them to see how long I take to get through them. I’m not talking about milk and such that I go through in a week here, though. I’m talking about stuff that takes months to go through. From my stats, and some Instagram “proof”, I take about 83 days to get through a roll of 500 sheets of toilet paper. I’m actually consistent enough in this at 3 sheets in the morning and 3 sheets in the evening daily routine that you can set your calendar by my toilet paper roll thickness! That’d be 6 sheets per day x 83 days = 498 sheets in case you were looking to check the math.

 

Well, maybe not. I sometime seem to go through dry spells where I can make a roll last 93 days. No wonder I wasn’t even stressed last year when the toilet paper purchasing pandemic hit with a 12 pack still in my place!

 

Regardless, I assure you this due to less shit compared to other people, probably drier shit than most not to require a lot of toilet paper, and definitely more efficient toilet paper usage from scientific testing, a smaller ass to wipe, and the drier shit as aforementioned, rather than me just hauling around a stinky ass all the time because it hadn’t been sufficiently wiped just to save toilet paper! I hadn’t gone way over the too much information line already, though, I’ll stop here and not discuss that technique. Maybe in another post, lol.

But yes, I think from the arguments presented, I can claim I deal with less shit in life than most people, at least the fecal kind. I think I could argue the same for the figurative side, but that would be a lot harder to “prove”, at least beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Hmmm. I see I’ve used the word “shit” 18 times, not including in the title before this paragraph. Nineteen now but still just short of 20. Shit!

 

 

707 words

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