Digital Citizen

The education and participation of a citizen in the digital world

I Want A Hypothalamus For Christmas (parody lyrics for I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas)

Posted by Digital Citizen on December 22, 2009

In my 29 years in Canada thus far, I have never heard this song until last night when it was on a Telus commercial. I loved it right away and had to go find it in YouTube to hear the entire thing. A video is at the bottom if you’ve never heard it, either, or need a refresher to try singing the lyrics. Liking it so much and since I’ve been in a carol rewriting mood of late, I set out right away to write parody or spoof lyrics because this one was easy to conceive.

The only thing I can think of to rhyme with hippopotamus was hypothalamus, which is a portion of the brain that contains a number of small nuclei with a variety of functions. Then I just had to make sure a few other things “made sense”, like how you don’t bring a hypothalamus through the door (last line, second verse or original lyrics), and that was that.

The change is insensitive, I know, to those with hypothalamus disorders, but you can’t live life never insulting anybody. It’s not like I’m choosing to do this as part of a caroling set at a hospital or something, you know! So let’s go, queue the brass band needed and let’s sing!

I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
Only a hypothalamus will do
Don’t want no doll, nor Cranium nor
toy
I want a hypothalamus that works well to enjoy

I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
I don’t think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won’t have to put it in with paper glue
Just ask a neurosurgeon, that’s the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning, stomping down the stairs
Bitchy, grumpy but surprised when I open up my eyes
To see a hypo-thala-mus right there

I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
Only a hypothalamus will do
No frontal lobes, left/right thalamuses
I only like hypothalamuses
And hypothalamuses like me too!

Mom says the hypo, would mess me up but then
Teacher says a hypo controls my circadian

There’s lots of room for it in my half-empty brain
I’d house it there, protect it there, and be the same again
I can see me now on Christmas morning, stomping down the stairs
Bitchy, grumpy but surprised when I open up my eyes
To see a hypo-thala-mus right there

I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
Only a hypothalamus will do
No frontal lobes, left/right thalamuses
I only like hypothalamuses
And hypothalamuses like me too!

.

My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:

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Jingle Bells for Tiger Woods (parody lyrics for Jingle Bells)

Posted by Digital Citizen on December 21, 2009

These are parody or spoof lyrics for the well-known carol, Jingle Bells, like in the video at the bottom.

I was going to write something with the chorus starting as Jingle bells, Santa smells, but the ongoing stories about Tiger Woods somehow influenced me to turn this into a Tiger Woods parody so I have now officially joined the Tiger bashing phenomenon. This was not something intentional from the start, but my disappointment in the development of Tiger’s life didn’t stop me, either. Tiger’s been a big source of inspiration over the years for his on course performance and how well his image was managed, and I knew it was managed. I know nobody is perfect, but this whole scandal was really over the top, which would be Tiger-esque for how he does everything in life. I wish his family the best in resolving this as best as possible, cause it ain’t gonna be pretty one way or another.

I still have Peyton Manning as an active role model figure, of sorts, aside from the real ones in my life like my Parents. I also have Wayne Gretzky and Michael Jordan from the past, with Taylor Swift becoming one for a class act that she is. Anyway, here goes Tiger’s Jingle Bells.

Verse
Peeing in the snow
From a one horse open sleigh
Over the fields we go
Laughing all the way (ha ha ha ha)
Telling stories of
Tiger’s cheating ways
And how he got careless and caught
With sex text sent astray

Chorus
Jingle bells, Santa smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
Even he, has messages
For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!
Jingle bells, your Mom smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
If you check, I’d bet there’s text
For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone! YEAH!
(with obligatory fist pump)

Verse
A day or two ago
Santa got this message twice
Meet me in the snow
And be naughty not nice (ha ha ha ha)
Tiger sent it to
Some women that he knew
But instead Tiger sent it to
Santa’s hot line, too! Ooops!

Chorus
Jingle bells, Santa smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
Even he, has messages
For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!
Jingle bells, your Mom smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
If you check, I’d bet there’s text
For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone! YEAH!
(with obligatory fist pump)

Verse
With Tiger’s stray sex text
Santa went to TMZ
Asked with confidence
Ten billion bucks, puh-lease! (ho ho ho ho)
I need bling you know
Recession’s hit me bad
So if I do not get some dough
All kids will be sad! Booo!

Chorus
Jingle bells, Santa smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
Even he, has messages
For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!
Jingle bells, your Mom smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
If you check, I’d bet there’s text
For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone! YEAH!
(with obligatory fist pump)

Verse
TMZ complied
Gave Santa what he asked
So kids now have toys
And they all are glad! (ha ha ha ha)
As for old Tiger
He asked for privacy
But if that is not possible
Unlimited text for free! Beep!

Chorus
Jingle bells, Santa smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
Even he, has messages
For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!
Jingle bells, your Mom smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
If you check, I’d bet there’s text
For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone! YEAH!
(with obligatory fist pump)

Repeat chorus after (bedroom) key change
Jingle bells, Santa smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
Even he, has messages
For sex from Tiger’s phone, hey!
Jingle bells, your Mom smells
Like Tiger Woods’ cologne
If you check, I’d bet there’s text
For sex from Ti-grrrr’s phone!
(in full diva vibrato, please!)

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Too bad it’s a little too close to Christmas for the song to have relevance, but had I done it earlier, maybe someone might have cared to make a video or recording. Oh well.

My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:

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