In my 29 years in Canada thus far, I have never heard this song until last night when it was on a Telus commercial. I loved it right away and had to go find it in YouTube to hear the entire thing. A video is at the bottom if you’ve never heard it, either, or need a refresher to try singing the lyrics. Liking it so much and since I’ve been in a carol rewriting mood of late, I set out right away to write parody or spoof lyrics because this one was easy to conceive.
The only thing I can think of to rhyme with hippopotamus was hypothalamus, which is a portion of the brain that contains a number of small nuclei with a variety of functions. Then I just had to make sure a few other things “made sense”, like how you don’t bring a hypothalamus through the door (last line, second verse or original lyrics), and that was that.
The change is insensitive, I know, to those with hypothalamus disorders, but you can’t live life never insulting anybody. It’s not like I’m choosing to do this as part of a caroling set at a hospital or something, you know! So let’s go, queue the brass band needed and let’s sing!
I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
Only a hypothalamus will do
Don’t want no doll, nor Cranium nor toy
I want a hypothalamus that works well to enjoy
I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
I don’t think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won’t have to put it in with paper glue
Just ask a neurosurgeon, that’s the easy thing to do
I can see me now on Christmas morning, stomping down the stairs
Bitchy, grumpy but surprised when I open up my eyes
To see a hypo-thala-mus right there
I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
Only a hypothalamus will do
No frontal lobes, left/right thalamuses
I only like hypothalamuses
And hypothalamuses like me too!
Mom says the hypo, would mess me up but then
Teacher says a hypo controls my circadian
There’s lots of room for it in my half-empty brain
I’d house it there, protect it there, and be the same again
I can see me now on Christmas morning, stomping down the stairs
Bitchy, grumpy but surprised when I open up my eyes
To see a hypo-thala-mus right there
I want a hypothalamus for Christmas
Only a hypothalamus will do
No frontal lobes, left/right thalamuses
I only like hypothalamuses
And hypothalamuses like me too!
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My other Christmas carol parody lyrics:
- Jingle Bells (for Tiger Woods)
- 12 Days of (Vietnamese) Christmas
- Noisy Night (parody of Silent Night)
- Bad Christmas (parody of White Christmas)
- Have Yourself a Bummer Little Christmas
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