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Hey (fat) Girl Friend, Wanna Be My Bridesmaid (so I can look thin)?

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Here’s definitely something to think about the next time you are at a wedding, or see someone’s wedding pictures!

On July 6, the Daily Telegraph in the UK ran a story about how one-third of engaged British women in a survey by Slim Fast admitted they would choose an overweight friend for a bridesmaid to make them look better (i.e. thinner) on their wedding day (and the photos from that day that would be cherished as long as the marriage lasts).

OH MY!!!

That was my first reaction. Insecurity and vanity have gone to new heights! While I’m sure this is nothing new after thinking about it, just the thought shocked me… though I’m not a woman so that would go far to explain why. I did know about women having bigger purses to make them look thinner, tight stuff to hold it in, curved lines to fool the eyes on actual size and shapes of their bodies, having an uglier friend be their “wingman” out on the town so they’d look more attractive (guys do the same thing though not me), etc. But this was way above and beyond that for me because this threw out true friendships for obesity!

OUCH!!!

That was my second reaction. If this ever really got out, every woman who will ever get asked, or not asked, to be a bridesmaid, is probably going to think about this reason as a possibility first. If she didn’t get asked, the reaction might be just a slight snark. If she did get asked, especially when she didn’t think she was among the bride’s top 3-5 friends, she might be outright insulted. Now, I know brides also take bridesmaids from her family or the groom’s family, too, to include them in the wedding party a little more. But hey, now there is a great excuse to eliminate some thin friends without telling them the truth about how insecure you were!

Just the thought you could have been included or excluded among the bridesmaids for your weight is just NASTY!!!

Now, this “one third” group is just those who admitted it! I wonder how many didn’t admit it???

And how many who would undoubtedly be in self-denial about it?

Come on. People are in denial about all sorts of ludicrous things. That’s why admitting you have a problem is truly the first step towards solving it… whether it’d be addiction or something light and simple.

Worse, what do you think those rates would be in America these days, where obesity is literally an epidemic?

Literally means statistically cause they’ve got far more than enough numbers to prove it!

Good Lord!

There were a few other eye opening details from this survey, like how brides diet before their wedding and such. However, they weren’t surprising to me. People, men and women, do all kinds of crap to their bodies that are far worse, and friendships were not at stake here.

There was also a result about how the women surveyed said buying a new outfit boosted their confidence. Hey, you think marketers don’t know this when they advertise to women? And don’t give me the “that’s BRITISH women” or “that doesn’t apply to me” stuff. If it didn’t, the woman is uncommon, if not rarer than that. Too bad the odds are she’s probably not nearly as uncommon as she thinks she is there. That uniqueness affliction is true for all humans as many psychology studies have shown. Also refer to note above on “denial”.

But I especially loved the 40% who said new shoes made them feel better about their appearance. Maybe so, but if that feeling better has anything to do with men looking at them, and a lot of it is, let me share the news the men aren’t likely looking at their feet if the men were checking them over! The eyes stop far above the feet!

That’s enough of all that for now, though. It’s plenty to chew on. But maybe you’d like to answer a couple of these questions knowing results from that SlimFast survey. This is not meant to be scientific or anything. Just throwing some thoughts out there in hopes the people who respond would be honest, and seeing what comes back.

If the Sim Fast survey were correct and you’ve had a chance to be in more than 3 bridesmaid parties in the past 5 years or so, statistics say you should probably answer “yes”.

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If the Slim Fast survey were accurate, and you have 3 or more married female friends whose wedding you have attended, statistics say you would probably answer “yes”. Let’s see if the men’s opinion differ from the women’s below. Don’t tell your friends if you answered “yes”, though, cause you know they’ll ask you which friend/s prompted the answer. For women who like to gossip, and there are many who do, this could be “fun” (aka nasty) gossip!

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If the Slim Fast survey were accurate, and you have 3 or more married female friends whose wedding you have attended, statistics say you would probably answer “yes”. Compare to the men’s results above. Don’t tell your friends if you answered “yes”, though, cause you know they’ll ask you which friend/s prompted the answer. For women who like to gossip, and there are many who do, this could be “fun” (aka nasty) gossip!

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Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 6.5

Happy Pi Day! How Are You Celebrating?

Digital Citizen 2 Comments

Today, March 14 (when this was posted), is Pi Day. March 14th’s date is often written as 3-14, which contains the first three digits of π, so it is chosen as Pi Day. Coincidentally, but rather symbolically appropriate, it is also Albert Einstein’s birthday, and few other dates could be more appropriate in my opinion. That is unless you count Feb 7 as 2-7 and really approximate the natural logarithm e to a useless 2 digits. Geekier people can celebrate Pi Minute at 1:59 AM (24 hour clock only) or 1:59 PM (12 hour clock) on March 14, since 3.14159 is a longer extension of the Pi decimal. I would argue for something like 3:54:32 PM because on the 24 hour clock, 15.935 hours is that time, but that’s probably too geeky even for the mainstream Pi Day celebrators. Mind you, some of them celebrate Pi Second at precisely at 1:59:26 AM or PM on the 12 hour clock, with decimals of a second being really optional to any number of 5-3-5 tenths, hundredths or thousandths of a second. Too short to even let out a scream, though!

So far, I’ve written this article with only a link to π, as if you knew enough about it to get the rest of that first paragraph. You probably do, but in case you don’t, here’s a shortened plain language version.

If you divide the length of a ring by the straight line distance across that ring through the centre, you will always get π. The more precisely you could measure those distances, meaning like to some ridiculously small unit of measure and that you’ve got the correct measure of a perfect ring, the more precise a value of π you will get with more and more decimals. One beauty of π is that while it is always the same, its exact value will never be known because it is what is known as an irrational number, which’s decimals never repeat. You can see π to one million decimals here for yourself if you want to satisfy yourself (might be 100,000 when you find it pending traffic on the server)! Talk about a good way to impress your teacher! The University of Tokyo supposedly has  π calculated out to 200 million digits, but that takes 4.2 GB to download so I’ll leave it at that. In being an irrational number, though, no fraction can represent π. It is sometimes approximated as a fraction of 22/7, but that is not correct. So thank goodness for symbolic representations, eh?

Pi has a lot of beauties to it, both within the number and without in relation to where it appears in the physical relationships of scientific phenomena. If you don’t believe there is a higher being of some sort, seeing the order of the universe involving π almost certainly will make you believe. If you’re still not convinced, I suggest researching the same thing for the natural logarithm e which is the base of all things as it occurs mathematically and naturally, unconstrained by cultures that count by 10, 2 (computers) or some other base. The previous link to π on Wikipedia will tell of many of the beauties of π, with additional links. The Pi Search Page also contains a load, including trivia, frequency of repeating patterns of digit strings, etc. Really geeky stuff on both links, but you know you’d love it so click on through to learn and appreciate!

So with all the amazingness of π to celebrate, how could one sufficiently acknowledge it all? Well, simple, because π is all about simplicity despite its complexity. That is actually a life philosophy of mine, that the simplest things aren’t actually simple. They are only made that way by all the complex details behind it so you had better be prepared to be overwhelmed if you’re going to study or tackle the simplicity of anything, rather than thinking it’s going to be easy!

So to celebrate Pi Day, you just eat pie in keeping it simple!

Geekier folks will add discussing the importance, relevance, properties or other matters involving Pi. I’m coming close with blogging since that isn’t truly a “discussion”. But by discussing Pi, I mean Pi without an e, over Pie with an e, but I’ll take discussing Pi with an e over Pi with an e as well.

In this unhealthy age, walking around something would be good, if only to burn off the pie. Striving for a close to perfect circle as your walking path would be outgeeking yourself.

With Daylight Standard Time having gotten switched at 2 AM this morning, in places that switch, it was a momentous way to celebrate Pi Minute by altering time the minute after. Too bad it doesn’t occur every year!

I am posting this at 1:59 PM my local time as a second Pi Minute celebration. Am I geeky or what, eh???

I’m one hour short with the “spring ahead” clock change, so I’m going to metaphorically be running around all day. If you’re not familiar with English expressions, “running around all day” means keeping busy or doing all kinds of things, whether that is work, chores or someone else. Um, if you’re not familiar with English expressions, you can research that last one. I couldn’t help it with my sense of humour after all the geeky humour leading up to it.

My metaphorical running around all day will literally include a circular 12K running route that isn’t that circular in shape, but goes around part of the peninsula on which I live to end up where I started and close it off. The route will also go around several landmarks.

How will you celebrate Pi Day?

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 9.7

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Some Lyrics for Singing Voice Mail Messages

Digital Citizen 1 Comment

I had written these “voice mail songs” many years ago, when I used to live in Vancouver and we only had answering machines. It was also when I didn’t have to worry about getting “professionals” calling me. If you might have to worry about that, I highly recommend you don’t use these and just enjoy them. The singing messages are about 30 seconds long to sing, which is long for a voice mail, but that’s these lyrics’ “price” of fun. That’s why I recommend no intros, despite some being written as first verses of the songs where you could have the intros.

I sang these lyrics into my answering machines with the real music playing in the background, loud enough so you had the tune, but not nearly loud enough to overpower my voice. Given the recording quality of answering machines then, it was as good as poorly recorded karaoke. That technique can still work today, but given all the tech out there for karoake YouTube videos and recording features right on the cell phones and computers, try recording using the karoake links below with your cell phone or computer recording feature.

Or just record singing solo, unaccompanied.

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Mr Grinch, from the original Dr Seuss Christmas special

This is most appropriate for December, or whenever you feel is appropriate to start having the Christmas theme in your life. However, I don’t think it has to be for December or Christmas. For singing purposes, it is the part from 1:25 in the video below. In the lyrics of the real song in the video link below the lyrics to the karaoke version, it’s the verse that starts with You’re a foul one, Mr Grinch.

Don’t hang up please, like the Grinch,
Leave a message, it’s a cinch!
Leave your number and your name,
And a message if you’re game,
It’s a cin-inch!
The three words that best describe when
Are as follows, and I quote:
“At! The! Beep!”

Mr Grinch Karoake Link to YouTube

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Somethin’ Stupid, by Frank and Nancy Sinatra

This is meant to be recorded straight up from the beginning. To keep your message as short as possible, though, I would recommend skipping the intro and starting at 0:11 of the video below (or the equivalent in the karoaoke video link below the lyrics).

Hello, my friend, you’ve reached (two-syllable name)
But I’m not home to get the phone
And chit-chat with you.
But if you leave a message then, I’m sure that when
I’m home I’ll get in touch with you.
So at the beep please leave your name and number
And why you called me so I won’t be blue.
And then hang up so when I’m home
I’ll know you called and I’ll make sure
I call you…
(I’ll call you – like at the end of the song)

Somethin’ Stupid Karaoke Link to YouTube

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Rainy Day Women #12 & 35, by Bob Dylan

This one I would absolutely recommend skippping the intro cause it’s 35 seconds long and people will hang up before then, wondering what the heck that music is all about, including if they’ve dialed the correct number. I don’t care if there’s auto-dial these days. They’ll recheck, or think they hit the wrong auto-dial. You’ll have wasted their time, and if it’s long distance, their money. So start at 0:31 or so of the video for a brief lead-in, or the equivalent spot on the karoake video link.

They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to have some fun,
They’ll phone ya when your mind is out to lunch,
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck,
They’ll phone ya when you’re tryin’ to get a (beep!),
But never will they phone when you’re at home!
(That’s when) Everybody should get phoned!

Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 Karaoke Link to YouTube

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Games that Lovers Play, by Connie Francis

I think Wayne Newton has the more famous version of this song, but I was not able to find it on YouTube. However, composer James Last wrote it for Connie Francis, specifically, so this is the original version. The intro is pretty short, but I would still skip it and start at 0:09 of the video below. Unfortunately, I was not able to find a karoake link. If you can find either the Wayne Newton version or karoake link, please do share. Thanks!

There are games that many foolish callers play,
Like how some don’t leave a message come what may,
Never caring who gets hurt along the way,
Let’s not play those games that callers play.

No karoake link was found for Games that Lovers Play

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Tagging 12 or 20 of your Friends as Most Annoying Facebookers

Digital Citizen 3 Comments

CNN had a great feature article back on August 25th called the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers.

I’ve listed all 12 of them in full description below the tagging picture, but I also had the thought of how great an idea that would be for a Facebook tagging meme! Furthermore, I could add a few other types – not the least being the Facebook Tagger who does way too many of these Facebook tagging memes!

The meme is 1440 x 960 pixels in size so those of you with that monitor can use it as your wallpaper, if you like and have the monitor of that size. CNN only had 6 graphics of their annoying Facebookers, which I screen captured from the video, so I had to come up with my own for the rest.

Warning: Make sure you know your true friends before tagging. Not everybody takes well to being called annoying, even if it were clear it were in jest! There may be real life consequences to this!

Here’s how to get this Facebook picture meme:

  • Click on the picture to get it at full size.
  • Right click on that picture and save to your computer.
  • Upload it to your Facebook profile.
  • Tag your friends!
  • Click the Back button on your browser to return to this post.

Please click here for a complete list of over 100 Facebook picture tagging memes on this site with which you can use for fun with your friends.

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From left to right, top row down…

The Town Crier
“Michael Jackson is dead!!!” You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The Fonz (my creation)
These are the people who who click the “Like” button on a lot of things, including your status. Where they become annoying is where you get a notification only to find out they like it, time, after time, after time. Say something, for goodness’ sake! Even the Fonz said something when he gave the thumbs up, eeehhhhhh!!???

The Self-promoter
OK, so we’ve probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Obscurist
“If not now then when?” “You’ll see…” “Grist for the mill.” “John is, small world.” “Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not.” [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious – just nonsensical.

The Friend Padder
The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies — you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway — might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 “friends?” Unless you’re George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That’s just showing off.

The cant Spelur (aka Bad Grammarian)
“So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe”. Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter
“Barbara is feeling sad today.” “Man, am I glad that’s over.” “Jim could really use some good news about now.” Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Facebook Tagger (my creation)
These are the people who tag way more than it’s their business to be tagging. Never mind just the Facebook tagging memes that they tag people on, but also in Facebook notes, and especially people in pictures put up by others where some people aren’t looking their most flattering. Some even retag people after people untag less than glamorous pictures of themselves not to draw attention to the pictures! But the worst ones are the ones who tag themselves in the hundreds or literally thousands of pictures they have. This brings on another set of notifications o the newsfeed after a first notification would have gone out that they posted the untagged pictures, of course! They don’t realize Facebook is not a library or government ID system.

The Poker King (my creation)
These are the worst Facebook pokers out there. The picture shows a hand poking someone’s head off. They know where they can poke themselves!

The Monk (my creation)
Got nothing to say about yourself or your life? Then shut the hell up and don’t put a lame “is” for your status unless you’re a real monk. Otherwise, people just read it as the person is nothing… cause there ain’t nothing after the is!

The Pollster (my creation)
Should you go out dancing? What to eat for supper tonight? Wear red or black to the office party? Do these people think they’re going to get some great insight or statistically significant sampling or what? If you’re going to let a handful of people run your life like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, dice, Tarot cards and other means serve just as well to give you much faster solutions.

The Instigator (my creation)
There are debate clubs for the serious ones among this group who want a debate, but most of them are just Rush Limbaugh wannabes. Wow, that’s pretty low when you can’t even achieve Limbaugh. They just don’t dare to share their controversial opinion in some place where they need to have a spine to hold themselves up, rather than their own Facebook profile. They probably didn’t get enough attention as a child, either. As for my choice of Don Cherry to represent this annoying Facebooker type, I actually respect him cause often, he’s a classy instigator.

The Personalizer (my creation)
Jermaine, why didn’t you show up today? Sophia, how did your exam go? Dawn, you are wrong! (Reference “Don Cherry” and the remark to the left of this annoying Facebooker representation). Hey, dude. This is Facebook and notifications go to everybody. There’s email, the phone and the Facebook Wall if you want to just talk to one person, K?

The Chronic Inviter
“Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which ‘Star Trek’ character are you? Here are the ‘Top 5 cars I have personally owned.’ Here are ’25 Things About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re related! I took the ‘What President Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Millard Fillmore! What president are you?” You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don’t care what president I am – can’t we simply be friends?

The Crank
These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn’t complain about. “Carl isn’t really that impressed with idiots who don’t realize how idiotic they are.” [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The TMIer
“Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids.” Boundaries of privacy and decorum don’t seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their personal lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Paparazzo
Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone’s posted a photo of you from last weekend’s party – a photo you didn’t authorize and haven’t even seen? You’d really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Detailer (aka Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore)
“I’m waking up.” “I had Wheaties for breakfast.” “I’m bored at work.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” You’re kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn’t mean we all want to know when you’re waiting for the bus.

The Lovers (my creation)
MJ just sent Joanne a rose. Joanne replies with a “loves her sweetie, MJ” status. MJ tags Joanne as the Flirt in the Harry Potter Facebook tagging meme. All right! Enough already! Why don’t you try expressing that in real life? Go kiss in public if you have to show off! At least I won’t have to see it. Besides, do you really need to show people on Facebook how much in love you are like you need to prove something? Or are you trying to prove something?

The Lurker (my creation)
Shhh!

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 5.9

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Interesting Facts and Insightful Sayings for a Happy Mother’s Day

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Mother's Day ComicHappy Mother’s Day, everyone! It’s the third biggest holiday next to Christmas and Easter, by some measures, although I have doubts that includes some non-Western holidays. However, if the world celebrated Mother’s Day, it would be easily the biggest holiday on the planet because we all have Mothers. Of course, we all have Fathers as well, but there aren’t nearly as many deliquent Moms as there are Dads so Mother’s Day would rule. It already does given Father’s Day doesn’t rank with Mother’s Day in the measure previously mentioned.

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