Who I Think Killed Michael Jackson, What About You?

Ever since Michael Jackson died, it seems everyone has been wanting to find out who killed him. Lots of people have also been putting out theories. It seemed someone had to have killed Michael. It wouldn’t seem right otherwise. It wouldn’t be right otherwise. The final piece of Michael’s legacy had to be tragic, rather than taboo that he had somehow killed himself, inadvertently or intentionally. The latter would be especially damning. Can you imagine how differently we would think of James Dean, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Marvin Gaye or John Lennon if they had committed suicide instead of dying, whether at their own hands in a risky activity or someone else’s hands? Seems our Western society, at least, likes our story book endings, whether the story ends on a good tone or not. If someone is gone before their time, we want to add a little something dramatic about it rather than possibly admit a less than glamorous truth. To me, you can be as legendary as whoever, if you want to be driving sports cars you can handle beyond what you can handle, or seek bigger highs from heavier dosages of drugs all the time, stupidity is part of your legacy, in my eyes… along with your endearing traits to push the envelope.

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson

In Michael Jackson’s case, with complete autopsy results not yet available at the time of this posting, it seems people are trying to put the blame on someone to save Michael’s legacy. One of Michael’s doctor’s office just got raided and he seems to be the prime target for “letting” Michael die, if not having killed Michael himself. But in not yet having some official results, we can also speculate Michael having a hand in his death, and that’s where I come in.

I think Michael Jackson committed suicide.

I think he realized he was not going to be able to put on a show like he used to in this farewell tour of his, and decided to drop while he was still the King of Pop instead of bowing out as the King of Flop.

Michael danced at a very high level while in his prime. Now 50, without the conditioning sustained — nor probably the practice cause it wasn’t all natural, you know — over the years, I doubt very much he could still put on the same show. How many people do you know who performed at a high level of physical activity in their 20s and can still do it without the maintenance work over the years? Unlike singing, where you can lip sync your way through your old material, Michael can’t groin sync through his past dance moves. I also doubt he would have had the stamina to go through a full show, never mind the 50 he was reluctant to do. He only wanted to do 12 shows or so, I believe it was said. Michael would probably have been good at the shows, as I think he is that good to still be good at less than 100%. However, I think he would most certainly have disappointed many attending who would have been expecting legendary… even with allowance for pity he wasn’t what he was in his prime.

Let’s face it. Michael’s career was legendary up to its peak, but the rest is one of shame aside from the momentary lapse of fame. There is a tragedy to it all, but I think that tragedy ended with him, in his hands, in shame, rather than at the hands of another who could be blamed so as to martyr his legacy.

Ironically, what pop culture seems to fail to see is what every culture knows to be true… that among the greatest tragedy which can happen to a person is when s/he decides the gift of life given to him/her is no longer worth living. Why do you think suicide is so taboo in so many cultures and religions? There is the concept of an honourable death, practiced by the samurai, mafia and certain other cultures, but I’m not sure they’d think of committing suicide because you can’t dance like you used to is just reason for an honourable death. I hope they would know it was about living up to expectations of the masses, though, rather than just the dancing.

But that’s all just my opinion. How un-Canadian of me to have one! What’s yours?

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 10.1

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I’m Billy Mays! And I’m Here to Tell You About My Death!

billy-mays

Hi!

I’m Billy Mays! And I’m here to tell you about my death! Yes! You had better believe it! I’m dead! Cause when I shout it! You had better believe it!

I got hit in the head from a piece of luggage on a flight to Tampa Bay Saturday! Yes! That’s true! But that didn’t do it! No! My head is just as strong as my voice!

I died from something else! And I’m going to give it to you in this exclusive 2 for 1 Internet special! I’m going to give you two reasons I died for the price of just one death!

I probably died of heart disease! It’s not official yet! But you take my word for it! It was something I didn’t even know I had! In fact, I didn’t even know what it was! But I have done my research! I always do my research before pawning things off to people! That’s so  you won’t have to!

So don’t believe in the speculation! I died of both the heart disease and the bonk on the head! My early approval is why you should take advantage of this offer right now and “buy” it! Get it first here! Then tell your friends about it! Make them jealous you knew 6-8 weeks before the official report!

Better yet! Tell them you knew it for free! In a 2 for 1 deal! From the victim himself! Could anything be better than that!?

Of course there is! You know I never just give you a first rate deal! What’s better than that is now I’ll shut up forever! No more annoying sound bytes! No more surprisingly loud sonic booms in the middle of your favourite shows! No more second class gimmicks for first rate prices!

But don’t worry about me! My selling days are not yet done! I’m going to be selling Christianity to the Devil at my next stop! Hell’s going to be better than Heaven by the time I’ll be done with it! Cause you’ll be able to get a 2 in 1 deal there with Hell and Heaven in one place! I’ll unite the entire human civilization! Past and present! And we’ll all be one big happy family again!

And!

It!

Will!

Be!

For!

FREE!!!

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Factual sources regarding Billy Mays’ death on Jun 28 2009: CNN

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 1.9

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Author’s Note:

I know this was politically incorrect. Given how much Billy Mays has annoyed me over the years, though, this is just karma, as far as I’m concerned. But I did classify the post under the “Celebrities” category so I’ve at least given him that much respect.

Note the extremely low grade reading level in a piece that attempted to emulate his speaking style. Is it any wonder he “spoke to” so many people? When you speak at about a grade 2 level, cleverly crafting your words, even the grade 2s will apply for a credit card to buy things from you!

The Tragedy of Having Your Death Trumped, Farrah Fawcett by Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett

Life is unfair, but death can be, too.

After a life time of achievements, a long public battle with anal cancer, and a “love” story that was never allowed to be completed, Farrah Fawcett died today (June 25 2009).

However, before Farrah’s body even became cold, news broke of the death of larger than life pop star icon Michael Jackson. Jackson collapsed in his home in the Holmby Hills district of Los Angeles at about noon Pacific Standard Time. He died of what is known as sudden cardiac arrest. That’s when the heart stops beating and quivers because an artery is blocked, which could be caused by substance abuse. “Substance” includes prescription drugs, with which Michael was suspected of having trouble. An autopsy is scheduled for June 26, which should be telling. He is survived by three children and two ex-wives. [ CNN story, CNN Larry King Live interview, CBC, June 25 2009]

Now, everything from Twitter to all the news network to Facebook and such is flooded with nothing, and I mean nothing, but the life and death of Michael Jackson. Nobody gives a damn about Farrah Fawcett any more, it seems. Just like that. Forgotten within hours with one piece of news.

Such a shame. Death can be just as unfair as life.

On a different note, though. Despite Michael Jackson’s death being a big shock to the world, the scenes I’m seeing on TV is of people dancing in joy, smiling and laughing to MJ’s music. They’re not crying like the memory I have of John Lennon‘s death, having been in Canada just months when it happened and having no idea who he was at the time because children were so deprived of information in Viet Nam. Lennon’s death was a completely mysterious phenomenon to me trying to figure out what was going on, seeing repeated pictures of all those people crying and pictures of this gentle looking man with those round spectacles.

There are many reasons why people would mourn the deaths of John Lennon and Michael Jackson differently, but I’ll leave that to you. It’s definitely interesting to analyze. I just didn’t expect what I am seeing of people “mourning” Michael’s death, though I am glad to see they are celebrating his life more than mourning his death. Below is a video of Billie Jean, my favourite Michael Jackson song to dance to, and I’m going to go do that like those other people.

In the meanwhile, though, give Farrah Fawcett a thought or two, eh?

And don’t forget all those protesters in Iran, who are dying without mention but whose cause is also now lost on the media for a while. It is about the worst thing that could have happened to them and their cause, to have a pop star steal the media from them. Michael Jackson is still impacting the world like nobody can!

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Reading Level: 8.2

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