There was a new book recently published called The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need to Describe Their Kids, by Eric Ruhalter, which I thought was cute. Basically, it mashes some words together to make new words which Parents and others might find useful when talking about their kids, or maybe to their kids. Below are some examples I found on a variety of websites so some are not in the book, for sure, but user contributions to the same theme.
There are a lot of words here. Some aren’t too great but others are just priceless. I would suggest picking out a few favourites you know you could use, or tell stories about, and gradually adapt them into your daily language use. Then pick up some more in repeating the pattern.
Got any interesting words to share? I’ve got one at the end, hehehe. Enjoy!
To force your kid to say they’re sorry, despite how worthless and insincere the apology will be.
Point at which your child’s math assignments surpass your math ability.
When a diaper overflows, requiring the throwing out of whatever outfit the child was wearing.
Incomprehensible breathless stammering of crying child trying to tell what happened to them.
A child’s notion that “keep your hands to yourself” does not preclude them from kicking someone.
Child’s tendency to ignore a new toy and instead play w/ box it came in.
To extra-quickly change channel when kids r in room & inappropriate scene comes on.
Parent who gets caught skipping pages in long kids book
To sneakily skip pages in a long kids book to get through it faster.
CHEESE AND RICE (n.)
Kidspeak for Jesus Christ, whether in religious or swearing bail-out context… or for the atheist or agnostic family when your kids come home and asks about Jesus Christ.
To ruin an overpriced school picture by making a silly face.
CHINA SYNDROME (n.)
Kid’s dire need to drink only from 1 special cup or eat off 1 special plate.
To hide from kids while eating a treat so they won’t ask for one too.
Sharp decline in the number of photos taken of the second child compared to the first.
When a kid hates a food they have never tried.
Parent’s gradual transformation from kids hero to kids greatest source of embarrassment.
The act of sifting through a vacuum cleaner bag to rescue a toy that got sucked up.
DOMESTIC VIOLATION (n.)
The potentially lethal mistake of referring to a stay-at-home mom as someone who “does not work.”
Liquid burst emitted from little straw when kid grips his juice box too tightly.
To purge playroom of old kids’ toys when they’re not around to stop you.
To obstruct family room’s main thoroughfare with a shoddily-constructed tower of blocks.
Lack of sleep that takes place during a “Sleepover”.
To hide a piece of your child’s artwork under other trash in the wastebasket so they don’t catch you throwing it away.
Healthy food. See no-grow-food for opposite.
To ask the same question over and over again with hopes that answer will change from no to yes.
Long-neglected plaything a child develops interest in when mom says she’s going to get rid of it.
To yell at your kids to keep their voices down.
Kicks to the face sustained while trying to tie a toddler’s shoes.
Crumbs & debris found on your car’s upholstery when u remove a car seat.
Baby on an endless quest to stuff their entire fist in her mouth.
A child’s indiscreet public call of attention to a stranger’s physical abnormality.
Filled w/ desire to own every toy advertised on TV.
A child’s need to go to the bathroom at the least opportune time.
Place on kids body you unnecessarily put a band-aid when they got hurt but didn’t bleed.
Holiday song wh/ lyrics altered to incorporate potty talk or other themes contrary to the season celebrate.
The volume of gunk and crumbs and litter and debris you collect from having and raising a kid.
Kid who won’t cooperate for the family photo.
LEAD OFFENSIVE (n.)
Stampede of children all trying to be the first in line to do something.
A man’s disdain for literature about parenting.
Process of sneaking from the bed of toddler who makes you lay down w/ them at night.
Dramatic pause between a child getting hurt and beginning to wail.
The pitch of a mother’s voice that her children find so easy to ignore.
To refer to kid by 1st & middle name because he’s trouble.
To eat only the marshmallows in Lucky Charms.
To fail to look both ways til you’re halfway across the street.
Nausea you feel when u eat piece of food from kids plate & learn it’s already been chewed.
To intentionally lose board game to unsportsmanlike child.
To eat the icing off a donut and then put it back.
To feign belief in Santa Claus w/ hopes of bigger Christmas payload.
“Sudden Hunger” portion of child’s bedtime procrastination ritual.
Child who falls asleep in stroller or car but springs awake when u move them to crib.
Junk food/candy. See grow-food for opposite.
A child who is interested in knocking his own teeth out in the interest of a hefty payday from the Tooth Fairy.
Child’s need to use bathroom 10 min after leaving rest stop where they didn’t have to go.
When something gets broken but no one did it.
A child who manages to weasel their way into parents bed.
Kid’s ability to say “please” “thank you” &“I’m sorry” w/o the slightest trace of sincerity.
The act of taking your baby/toddler into the bathroom with you so you can do your “business” and watch the kid at the same time.
Brief period where kids live up to promise of caring for pet they begged you for.
To brace one’s self upon realizing that your kid is about to barf on you.
To change your mind about what you want to be for Halloween many times during October.
When a bike is left on the ground behind a car in driveway.
Child who only has something to say to you when you’re on the phone or in the shower.
To instantaneously cease & conceal sexual activity when a kid barges in.
To remove one’s shoes w/o untying the laces.
To try to put on sneakers with laces still tied from last time they were worn.
Article of hand-me-down clothing w/ the older sibling’s name or initials on it.
To suck in, rather than blow out, when you’re blowing your nose.
State of silverware after letting 3 y.o. empty dishwasher cutlery basket.
STINKIN’ THINKIN’ (n.)
Negative words like stupid, ugly, dumb, hate or all swear words.
Kid who lets u buy a ton of their favorite food and then decides they don’t like it anymore.
SWAN LEAK (n.)
When your daughter pees herself during her ballet performance.
Impossible knots left in laces by kid newly learning to tie shoes.
To stand on tippy toes to appear tall enough to go on a ride u r too short for.
To speak incoherently with ones fingers in their mouth.
Attempt to move a sleeping toddler from car seat to be w/o waking them.
When kid playing TBall makes it to 3rd base on hit that doesn’t get out of infield.
The intense desire to be the one who presses the button in an elevator.
Routine recreational activities of children that leave their playroom looking like it was struck by a hurricane.
The candy reward given to a child for being brave while getting his shots.
The frantic dance of a kid trying to elude a bee.
Magnetic-like force that draws kids without boots on into puddles.
A child’s string of questions rattled off in rapid-fire succession.
WOOJEE WOOJEE (n.)
To wash (like your hands) or rub in harder (as in sunscreen).
When a child pretends to be hurt after hurting someone else with hopes that it will prevent him or her from getting in trouble.
XOX (pronounced zocks) (v.)
To intentionally lose a game of Tic Tac Toe to a little kid.
The act of pretending to understand what your yammering 2 y.o. is saying to you.
Hmmm… can I add one?
SHITAKE (pronounced shitACKy) (n. or v.)
- Swear word slur when you realize your kid heard the first syllable.
- Then the need to go for a No. 2 loo, as in Johnny needs a shitake or Mommy, I need to shitake, when you kid asks what shitake means… like they always do when they hear words they don’t know.
Care to share a word?