Comments on: Take Dr Helen Fisher’s Why Him/Why Her Personality Test for Love

By: analiamolina

analiamolina — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 15:22:29 +0000

I got:
1: 32
2: 30
3: 14
4: 37

Thanks!

By: Jane

Jane — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 16:47:37 +0000

Yes that makes a lot of sense. This rings true for me. I definitely expect/want people to know when and how to dig their heels in to get what they want when its important and to be able to negotiate when that’s important too. I instinctively expect people to play either role and know when to do so. Because that’s what I do. It is natural to me. I have often been annoyed and confused by people who don’t do this. I think of these things as skills and expect people to adapt to the situation and utilise these skills accordingly. In the past I have struggled with people who ‘decide’ not to negotiate or direct when this is what the situation clearly demands. But if these characteristics can be seen as characteristics as part and parcel of who some people fundamentally are then that’s different. I guess in a relationship I don’t like to be the negotiator all the time. I expect them to negotiate with me at least some of the time. Otherwise I feel like its unfair. I also expect them to do the director thing sometimes and clearly tell me what they want and need directly. I read Helen Fishers book recently. I am fascinated by this stuff (which I guess lines up with my high negotiator score).

I am not looking for anyone atm because I have a boyfriend. We have been together for a long time. Interestingly I got him to do this test. He got 26% Explorer, 24% Builder, 24% Director and 26% negotiator. That also rings true. He is very much a chameleon able to adapt to any situation. And on occasion I have wished he would be himself more. Wishing he would be more like he is with me with other people. More authentic. But this profile makes me think perhaps he is being authentic lol. He just has a lot of different sides to him and different situations bring out different sides.

The profile also reflects our differences. He had a high builder score and I didn’t. I find the things builders enjoy just boring really. This may be part of the reason I tend to be a big ball of kaos. My boyfriend tends to organise me. Strangely my boyfriend seems to enjoy ordering the kaos. He also seems to appreciate the unpredictability. Often he actually schedules in time with me (in his actual schedule) as unplanned time during which ‘anything could happen.’ Always seemed pretty strange to me but in the context of his personality profile it makes sense. He has those builder like qualities. He brings a bit of order to my life which is good for me. It is useful to have someone who knows where my keys are when I don’t. And he has explorer qualities so he finds my unpredictability exhilarating (you know as long as he schedules the unpredictability in first lol.) Hillarious!

By: Digital Citizen

Digital Citizen — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 11:59:32 +0000

Hi Jane, excellent questions! I don’t know if there are definitive answers, but if you’ve got life experience as you’ve shared to back it up, that may be good enough.

I wouldn’t look at your high Director score as “canceling out” your secondary Explorer score. They’re close enough to have a margin of error that you could well be a half and half of Negotiator/Explorer and Negotiator/Director. Nobody is ever just one thing or another anyway. It’s a continuum and just a matter of how much of each one has, not whether it’s all or nothing.

You may well prefer a balance of Negotiator/Director as you say. That is rather similar to you, not just in the sense of the balance, but the compliments to two of your strong suites. You will note how Dr Fisher explains the match in the descriptions I quoted in that the Negotiator/Director match is one of conflict so if you don’t like that, you won’t like Directors. Negotiators also wouldn’t have anything to negotiate if everything were presented to them in a manner they already liked!

Also, it’s only a 36% preference female Negotiators have for male Directors. While this may be greater than preference for the other types, 36% is not even the majority! I’d say if you have life experience, listen to it. Use the results here as something to think about to maybe break out of the box every once in a while if you’re still looking for someone, or maybe look for someone of the balance you mentioned. There are people who know when to take charge and when to back off, when to step in and when to give others the space they need, but also when to give Negotiators enough opportunities to smooth them out to be meaningful and feel some sense of dominance every now and then. Seems to me like you are looking for one of those. I’m not that far from that, albeit in a reversed kind of way, so I have an idea what you’re talking about.

Good luck!

Minh

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 00:34:29 +0000

I got 30, 13, 28 & 37. So I am a a negotiator followed by explorer. So I should be attracted to directors. But that is not what I tend to go for. I am not a fan of directors. Does my high director score of 28 cancel out my negotiator prefferences? Or perhaps a balance between director and negotiator traits in my partner is just important to me because of this. My least favourite match is that of a builder/director. They are the people I am least drawn to in my experience. Can somone be a director/negotiator type in any meaningful sense? Or would theses 2 traits counterbalance each other making the 3rd trait (builder or explorer) the defining dominant one?

By: Digital Citizen

Digital Citizen — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 22:30:14 +0000

You got ZEROES??? Like Darth Vader said, “Impressive!”. That’s seems like it would be a polarizing personality that could rub a lot of people the wrong way cause practically nobody is ZERO on any thing. That means they have some, and some tolerance, for those traits. If you don’t, it’d be like having no humour, or anger, or some other such trait. Interesting! Thanks for sharing.